You have to post about it online and keep the community updated on your progress, becoming the first widespread Lemmy meme

Each day you don't poop, you lay an egg that hatches into a random monster. The egg is indestructible.

You can talk to animals now. I think what you mean is you want them to be able to talk too.

But only about collecting stamps.

Your already can talk to animals. We all understand you.

You can talk to animals, but it includes insects and birds... and you can't shut their conversion out for some peace and quiet

you can talk to animals, but they don't want to (they are very prejudiced)

Turns out, the books you touch are actually quite satisfied and content.

It only works if you touch it with your penis.

The title of the book appears somewhere on your skin, and if removed you will forget any knowledge from that book, whether you obtained it through reading or your power. The titles must be legible, and cannot overlap.

but you must feel a paper cut from every single page of knowledge

Their debt transfers to you.

The debt alwaye gets randomly assigned to another person

You become deaf and blind

but for everyone, including yourself.

But unfortunately you can't start it again.

You're an admin on reddit

You consume the calories of every food by just naming it.

you are still bound by laws of physics

Except you feel the need to always respond to everyone else's conversations. Your timing is impeccable yet everyone comes to resent your witty remarks.

It will only teleport your body, not your clothes

But your side effect is infinite power.