this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2023
248 points (97.7% liked)

Ask Lemmy

26666 readers
1696 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected]. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

I have had a tendency since my earliest days on social media where I will get halfway or more through a response, and end up just cancelling it. Sometimes I feel like I’m just being to over the top with snark or otherwise don’t want to be that kind of person, but a lot of the time I’ll decide I just really don’t care enough to finish it. Sometimes I just know it’ll be an argument and I know what the person is going to say, and just have no interest in continuing the discussion. I did it on Reddit, I did it on bulletin boards, I even did it in my teens and twenties on Usenet - and I’ll probably go on doing it for as long as I continue using this medium. I probably do it a bit more than half the time. I know that lemmy benefits from more content and I have had some great discussions, but sometimes it’s just not worth it for me.

How about you? Do you hit publish or cancel more often?

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 61 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The irony is that there might have been a fair amount of replies to this, but people bailed on them. I guess we'll never know.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 48 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 39 points 10 months ago (4 children)

I cancel more often. Because who cares what I have to say? And sometimes I realize it's been more therapeutic to just type a comment out than it is to hit post and deal with people's potential responses.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I care what you say ❤️

You, yes you reading this, have a valid perspective and a unique insight and the world is enriched by you sharing your thoughts with other strangers.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

I needed to hear this, thank you 🥹 You have a good heart Sparky

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

As @[email protected] already so nicely said, I too would love to hear what you have to say. Whether it's something profound, something nice, or just that you like or enjoy someone else's comment/post.
It is always so nice to hear from someone else, so don't put yourself down. Let yourself be heard and join the fun :)

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Here I am writing my opinion, only to realise that many of you have already posted most of the valid points I was going to make. So now my comment is pretty much worthless and adds nothing to the discussion.

I cancel most of the time, but today I'll open an exception to prove my point.

Have you somehow become more enlightened by my post? Yeah, should have cancelled it.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

Congratulations on finishing this post!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It’s a good 70% of the time that I’ll cancel instead of post. As I’ve gotten older my desire to be right has greatly diminished when it comes to random people on the internet.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

This is how I feel, but it's closer to 95% of the time for me. I've been on the Internet since its inception and I don't have it in me to deal with people's bullshit anymore.

I don't need to be heard. I don't need to be right. I only post for help I can't get elsewhere or to help others. On the rare occasion I deviate from that rule, I usually get a reply that makes me regret engaging.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago

Like 95%. Almost cancelled this one before I erased most of it.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You'll be getting less answers from people who cancel more often. 😉

I think I cancel my posts about 1 to 5 percent of the time. Usually when it gets longer and I notice that my brain is too stupid to continue. Sometimes also when I catch myself being a little bit too sarcastic.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

As a data scientist, this is my favorite answer.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Constantly cancel. It's rarely worth arguing with people here.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

Absolutely. Sometimes you know your post isn't going to do anything worthwhile. Sometimes you're just being a dick. Sometimes the other person is clearly not going to listen to you. Sometimes your post adds nothing of value. That kind of self reflection is a good thing IMO. I wish more people did it

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

im so glad you asked this question. i cant tell you how many times i-

actually never mind

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

40% I'd estimate, I tend to write very long and in depth comments and will realize either I dont care enough about the subject to finish my statement or argument point, or I'm likely being baited by someone who doesnt care about having a genuine exchange of ideas and just wants to be "right".

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

There's a high barrier for me to even start typing a comment, but I try to contribute more on lemmy. Haven't really participated on social media in years. I guess about 20% of the time when I think I should comment I actually do it.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Quite often.

I start organizing my thoughts by writing them down. Then I'll realize it's going to be impossible for me to succinctly yet accurately convey my point.

If what I've written is too long or too convoluted, I don't bother posting it, as the intended audience is usually the least likely to actually read it. If what I've written has too many caveats or too many points of contention, I don't bother posting it because I generally don't have much interest in connecting with pedants or those being intentionally obtuse/ignorant/etc.

Honestly, my experience has been that this place is mostly just a slightly different iteration of the same shit as the alternative it is modeled after when it comes to discourse. And I have minimal interest engaging in much of that. So, definitely more likely to lurk and/or to bail on a response than to actually post here.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I wrote out a comment to answer you but halfway through I decided that my opinion wasn't worthy of sharing on Lemmy so I deleted it and wrote this instead.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

My comments tend to be short enough that I've already written them and by that point I might as well submit.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Eh not that much. Who cares about points? I’ll edit my response if I mistyped or made it difficult to understand, but why not contribute to the convo? Again points matter way less here than on Reddit and even on Reddit it didn’t matter a whole bunch

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Sure, points are pointless. I still get a dopamine hit when the number goes up or I get nice comments.

And I just wanted to bail on this comment, because I'm not sure if I grasp everything. But considering the topic I will leave it.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Funny enough, I almost replied to a comment here and then deleted it.

I've been trying to do it less since migrating to Lemmy because I recognize that the smaller userbase means that my interaction is more valuable, even if it's scary.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

For me personally it's when discussing controversial topics, I know I'm right but I'm too lazy to get into an argument to elaborate on my points in detail.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Far less than on the other site. I've been trying to commit in order to grow the Fediverse, even if I've got a few garbage hot takes. I will say, my shit comments seem to get way more responses than my good ones.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

All the time. Sometimes I'll write an entire wall of text, correct all the typos I could find and then delete it. "Why bother? This person is just not going to consider a different opinion, just save yourself the pointless discussion."

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I do it fairly often. Usually when:

  • It's pointless to submit the content, for the others and for myself.
  • There's a high chance that someone will misread it and whine.
  • It would help someone whom I don't want to.

In Lemmy it's usually the first thing.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

depends. on political posts it's like 90% bail rate, because i get done typing a message and then realize i'm just feeding into the outrage machine.

but on meme posts? maybe 10% bail rate, because lol

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

About four words in

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

A lot. Sometimes I have something to say but so afraid of ridicule I back out

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

I literally bailed while writing a comment on another post just to scroll down to this post next.

So yea… all the time.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Yeah that’s something I’d never do because it just seems

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Virtually every single response I type out gets canceled without posting. It's extremely rare that I actually feel good enough about a comment I'm making to actually post it. Even if I do make a comment I'll often come right back and delete it, or make a hundred rapid fire edits to it before usually deleting it anyway. That's how after 6 months here I've only made 5 total comments.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

here's me, posting 1 in every 10 comments I start writing.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

50% of my messages here on Lemmy.

I'd guess more like 25% of messages at work and 75% on the discord server I use with IRL friends are deleted without being posted.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Fairly often. I’ll get a sentence out and then

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

80% of my comments. I try to set a baseline and be kind/respectful (not that I am always successful) but I'm not particularly a kind or respectful person. A lot of my comments are bitter and bitchy and I end up deleting them. This place isn't reddit and I'll be damned if I participate in inflicting my negativity on this place.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Quite often, probably mostly because I have social anxiety. Sometimes I feel like I'm not adding anything meaningful to that conversation or that I'm probably not being as helpful as I initially think I am. I sometimes also have trouble putting my thoughts into words.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I have a personality with a low neuroticism and a low conscientiousness, so I usually post.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

i tend to be long-winded and i dont often have a good sense for what information is explicitly necessary, so i have started a fair few comments that ive lost steam on and convinced myself werent worth posting. i also have not participated in social media for about ten years, so i dont have the sense that i can just casually post something without it being particularly valid, but when i do post its after reassuring myself that what i say doesnt always have to be life-altering.

so yea, probably 40% of the time i bail if i start thinking about it more than i should, which is easy to do when i have to proofread so much due to florisboard not having autocorrect.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ok, so well I made this several weeks ago and well, you know…

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Hahaha I saw this after bailing on another post. Like 80% of the time I think better of it. My comments tend to actually get posted when I'm in bed half asleep. Apparently I'm more willing to share when I'm mentally impaired from tiredness

load more comments
view more: next ›