I slashed the inside of my thigh open with a pocket knife once. It must have missed the artery by half an inch, maybe, although I didn't know it at the time. I had, at this point, been hurt so many times that I closed the knife, put down the piece of wood I had been whittling on, and wandered into the house to ask my mom what to do.

She said "oh my God! Your new pants!"

And then we duct taped my leg back together because we didn't have insurance, and we didn't want to sit in the ER waiting room for the rest of the day.

I don't remember doing this, cause I was 3 at the time. I wandered into the kitchen, where my mother was doing some cooking prep, and my father was doing some paperwork of some sort. I said "Mom, I think I hurt myself." She said, "Oh no, you're fine." In her defence, prior to this if I ever so much as gotten a tiny scratch, I would be screaming my head off. My father looked up and said, "No Anita, he's hemorrhaging!" She turned around to find that I was bleeding from multiple gashes in all five fingers on my right hand.

Apparently, I had gone into my parents room, which I knew I shouldn't be in. Gotten into their closet, which I knew was even more off limits. Pulled my mother's sewing kit out, which I knew was super duper off limits!!! Found her pizza cutter razorblade thing that is used to cut cloth, and proceeded to disassemble the thing, managing to slice all five fingers on my right hand three times trying not to drop it. I've no idea what I was gonna do with the thing. Apparently I had to get multiple stitches in each finger.

I'm the 3rd of 5, though it was 3.5 at the time.

This post has some real "drank from the hose" energy

My mother would have hung up the phone and then beat the shit out of me on top of whatever trauma I've already gone through 😂

I don't know why but my mom just couldn't multitask on the phone at all. I don't have kids but my gf has one, and I try to always be attentive to her. I remember being really frustrated about this as a kid.

Why do I imagine this mother holding the phone with one hand and a dry martini in the other?

I don't remember that, but I remember hitting a gate while on my bike and hurting my manhood

I read this as in the kichen was all covered in blood. Really confuswd me for a moment.

My mom yelled at me not to bleed on her new carpet. Gotta love being the youngest child.

Funny because that's about what my own Mom would say too. We'd come in with snake bits and split lips from falling off our bikes, and she'd be angry that she has to dirty another washcloth. I don't have kids but now that I'm grown, I kind of get that.

I worked as a volunteer (and this has nothing to do with the topic, I just remembered) at a local aviary, and we'd often have to take split baby rabbits out to the raptors at feeding time. It was fine usually, because usually the rabbits are frozen and so not that gross, but sometimes they'd thaw out in your hands and you'd come back covered in blood and gore. (which is why you have hide the thing from the birds's sight when you enter certain enclosures).

I'm not sure I ever grew out of that "what the hell am I covered in this time" phase.