Because you are not good at it
this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2023
250 points (93.7% liked)
Showerthoughts
29647 readers
1372 users here now
A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The best ones are thoughts that many people can relate to and they find something funny or interesting in regular stuff.
Rules
- All posts must be showerthoughts
- The entire showerthought must be in the title
- Avoid politics (NEW RULE as of 5 Nov 2024, trying it out)
- Posts must be original/unique
- Adhere to Lemmy's Code of Conduct
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
At least let me apply. Or is this some recruit type situation where they meet me in a dark alley and burn off my fingerprints.
Email the CIA. Apply for military intelligence.
Hello CIA,
How's it going?
Doing alright, how you doing?
5 month old account lmao
We will be in touch.
I think I just shit myself.
... We've rescinded our be in touch.
Hey, you’re not CIA - you’re the bald guy from the XCOM council!
You know years ago I heard a recruitment ad for the CIA on the radio, and that caught me a little off guard, I always kind of assumed the CIA personally reached out to specific candidates and hired through shady back channels and such and didn't really do open recruitment.
I guess it makes sense though, for every James Bond type super spy there's probably a hundred different random office staff, IT guys, clerks, mailroom guys, secretaries, janitors, accountants, etc. who handle boring day-to-day operational stuff and rarely or never get to see any of the crazy spy craft stuff happening.
And I guess once you land one of those jobs, maybe you can get your foot in the door for eventual promotion to International Man of Mystery.
You're not supposed to talk about such messages. They're only for you.
The CIA has an internship program for college grads
I looked into it, and honestly compared to most private sector internships it seemed terrible, one of the alphabet agency internships I looked at was unpaid maybe all of them. And it was the most stereotypical intern stuff. Organizing files and the like.
They recruit from college students studying Chinese, Arabic, Russian...
load more comments
(1 replies)
If you have the background and get the right head hunter, you can get sponsored for your TS/SCI. I used to work for a place....
I will tell you, however, that working in a SCIF is not as awesome as it looks on TV.
A) Labour is much cheaper in Russia than the US.
B) What foreign languages do you speak relatively fluently?
C) Do those foreign languages match to countries where elections have consequences AND the US has a vested interest in destabilizing them?
D) If the answer to C was yes, really? Where?
OP thinks you should be scrolling on Indeed and see
Do you enjoy shitposting on the internet all day? Join the CIA and you can get paid to shitpost in our many psychological warfare operations. From attacking leftist causes and amplifying corporate shills in political races, to discrediting climate science and the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians in the Middle East, there is no limit to what you could accomplish with the CIA.
Ahaha, that's great! Only thing missing is a specific list of countries they CIA intends to destabilize.
You can find that list here:
Or this one is pretty useful:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_proven_oil_reserves
load more comments
(2 replies)
Ahaha, I legit laughed pretty hard at that one.
Do you speak Russian, or Chinese? B/c you won't be very effective doing it in English or high-school level Spanish.
I speak Russian natively, where to enlist? :D
Are you in the military, at least? Because that's sort of step one. They don't want the random weed addict who is terminally online. They at least want to know you will follow orders and finish missions through.
The US is almost certainly doing it too. I don't think they're going to post them on Indeed though.
They are also probably giving the contract to a defense contractor who is turning around and outsourcing it, so there are no US based jobs to troll for the US.
So, to the Russians?
Looks at Infographics Show content from the past 2 years
load more comments
(1 replies)
Because they know you'll do it for free. Source: The Picard Maneuver
Not for the US military but that’s literally political advertising. Have you seen what the Lincoln project does?
The military like doesn't do it, but the almost certainly CIA does...
You could always join NAFO
Because thats a important position that is probably obfuscated from the general public
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
load more comments
(3 replies)
Well they definitely can’t hire you now, this post will have blown your cover
load more comments
(1 replies)
Because NIPRNET sucks to do OSINT.
You don't want to be in the military for anything PSYOPS.
You'd be better off as a contractor.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Nice try professional military troll!
Manpower in 'developed' countries is too expensive.
The little anecdotal data we have points to something in the range of 50 cents per "state" approved comment.
You have expertise in the culture of your country. They need expertise in the culture of China/Russia/Iran/etc.
If we ever go to war with Japan again, we should be set.
Weeb should be set....
load more comments
(1 replies)
Not foreign operations. But it's relatively easy to get a us military tech job that is low impact. Application process is 3-6mo long but once you're in your golden.
view more: next ›