Transfem

For what it's worth, you're far from running out the clock. If you're still in your 20s you have a lot of life left to live and are lucky you've figured this out as early as you have, even if it doesn't seem like it.

I don't know what you've already done, but one approach is to try less extreme measures first and ease into it a bit. Clothes, makeup, mannerisms, pronouns, etc. You could consider stopgap measures like focusing on hair loss prevention/restoration as a way to buy time and feel like you're doing something concrete while you sort your feelings out.

Some of these themes also touch on topics discussed in this post from a while back - you may find some of the discussion helpful: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/4266431

EDIT: Forgot to specify; these are definitely common feelings, if my own experience and internet-binging results are any indication. You'll get through it. ❤️

EDIT2: lol, I didn't see who posted this until now. 😅😭🤣

I had an appointment to start HRT in January 2022 and chickened out. I was 32 years old at the time.

After three months and some therapy, I went back and started officially in March 2022.

Sometimes you aren't ready, and that's okay. Give yourself some time and some love. You deserve it.

And trust me, here at age 34, I can tell ya that no clock has run out. I love myself more than ever and I still have so much more growing to do.

Yeah, I felt this way when I was 32. Felt like the realization that I was trans just slapped me in the face and I knew I'd regret not doing it but also so very terrified. I kept looking at r/transtimelines and seeing the dead looks in most of the before pictures and seeing how they lit up after. I also read some advice somewhere that every step along the way is reversible, up to a point. You can go see a therapist that deals with gender questions. You can go see an endocrinologist. You can walk out of there with a prescription, but you don't have to fill it. You can get it filled, but you don't have to take it. You can take it but you don't have to keep taking it. You won't notice anything for a month or so, so you can feel it out and see what you think.

What really helped me was going to the nearest accepting city (Asheville, NC) and just living the entire visit as my chosen gender. We stayed on a skoolie with a hot tub outside and it was a wonderful trip. I also got all dressed up and spent the day in my hammock on mushrooms and did a lot of soul searching. Everytime I asked myself if I was happy with what I was doing, I felt like I was hugging myself back with gratitude for finally letting Eliza have a chance. That feeling has stuck with me ever since.

And yeah, I started at 33, you're not running out of time. I do wish I realized earlier, but you only get one shot at this life thing and you might as well start living for yourself today.

Even though I came out to myself at 16 it took me until I was 20 to start HRT. I experienced that as well, even with just going to buy women's clothes in person. I went to the store walked around for a few minutes and left. I was so afraid at first but I also felt really dysphoric about wearing men's clothes so I went back and eventually I wasn't afraid anymore. I remember feeling that way about getting HRT too, but after I made the appointment I was so happy, although I had a few doubts on the day of if I should really be doing it but I went in anyway and after the appointment my mother told me she hadn't seen me so happy since I was just a little kid.

We've all been there and most have have the same thoughts. I transitioned at 36 and love the progress I've made. It can be slow and agonizing at times, but can be totally worth it.

I've looked into more ways to transition pre-HRT and for what its worth its helped me think more about this stuff. Given me more mental surface area around the whole thing. There's a lot of info out there about how to change your appearance in any way that you like. Something called Trans Imposter Syndrome might be worth looking into, if you happen to feel uncomfortable again.