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Wanting something desperately but not ready now? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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I think I'm struggling a bit on my self acceptance.

For example, I know that HRT is something I want. But I'm not ready for it right now. I have this strong desire to start it and start a more noticeable transition, but after looking more into it I got scared and dysphoric almost about the whole thing?

I have moments where I'm confident and want to move forward but also moments where I'm scared and it feels like too much.

Plus I feel like I'm running out the clock on my transition. I'm almost 30 and only came out to myself and my wife a month ago. I feel like I've wasted a lot of my life already in the wrong body and I feel like I need to play catch up almost.

I guess I'm wondering if these are common feelings people have when first starting off? Knowing that you want something for your transition but just not being ready yet. And this weird sense of time slipping away even faster than before? Almost like a mid life crisis... like a beginning transition crisis, lol

Just something I've been conflicted over the past week that I thought I would share with y'all. ❤️

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[-] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

That's a really good way of putting it. The realization of being trans hit like a ton of bricks even though looking back, a part of me always knew? I just did everything I could to hide from it.

Maybe I'll take a trip to Asheville sometime. I'm not too far from there and presenting as my true gender without fearing (too much) ridicule sounds... Freeing.

I live in rural Indiana in a small ass town so I feel like I need to hide under multiple layers of masculinity to even appear in public 😔

You're right. We only have one shot at life. And I need to stop regretting and looking forward.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

If going to a city still seems to hard, maybe going to something like ren fest or a convention dresses as a character would be an easier step. Did that recently where my brother (who I'm out to) and I dressed as characters who are brother and sister. Didn't really have any bad experiences (some people clearly thought it was funny I was dressed as a girl but they weren't being malicious). Also had stranger ask me what I did for boobs, which was kinda weird but they just were curious (bra + small cheap breast forms). Otoh, I had a mom ask for her daughter if her daughter could take a picture with me and most people were just like "hey, it's [character's name]!"

[-] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

That's a really good idea! I didn't even think of that. Can I ask who you went as? 😁

[-] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Nezuko. Brother already had a Tanjiro costume from the previous year. Cousin was gonna go as Rengoku, but couldn't get a costume in his size. TBF, my costume wasn't exactly a good fit either (I decided to wear leggings to compensate for the lack of length). My sister's friend and my sister (whom I'm not exactly out to nor did I warn them who I was gonna dress as) briaded my wig's hair while we were there.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Ooo that's from demon slayer right? I haven't seen it yet, but heard it's really good :)

That's great that they braided your hair. Even though it was a wig :P sounds like they may be open minded ❤️

this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2023
50 points (100.0% liked)

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