this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2023
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Showerthoughts

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A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The best ones are thoughts that many people can relate to and they find something funny or interesting in regular stuff.

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I don't want to get too political in shower thoughts, but this would solve a lot of the hot button issues if more people just had safer and supportive environments to escape to and volunteers / paid professionals to help them on the other end.

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (4 children)

This is one example of how the current criminal justice system prioritizes capitalism over public safety. People who live paycheck to paycheck don't have resources to remove themselves from situations where they know they are in danger. Most people are murdered by people they know, not strangers. This is especially true in terms of women's pay inequality, where this systemic failure makes it harder for women to separate themselves from abusive partners, who often end up killing them. If you want to reduce murders, you need some wealth distribution, not more policing.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That was the whole point of defund the police - shift social/mental health services to people who are trained in those areas and let cops focus on crime rather than domestic disturbances.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It was a shame they went with such a terrible name for this. It just gave the other side way more bs talking points.

Hell the Austin Tx police department (union really) is still butt hurt that they even thought about taking away money from them that they are still refusing to respond to most calls.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Dumbest term ever.

It was always reallocate the funds AND responsibilities to some other agency. Let cops do their cop shit and let homeless and the mentally ill get dealt with by people who care and know how to deal with em.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Just more proof they should be defunded for being utterly useless

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

This is one of the reasons abusers pressure you to quit your job-- so even if you were finanically stable before, you end up becoming financially dependant on them so you can't just leave. It also makes it nigh-impossible for kids, even kids of wealthy families, to escape abusive situations before they're old enough to get a job (and you can bet their parents will run interference to keep that from happening as long as possible, or else figure out a way to coerce them into giving them their paychecks.)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I don't think this is just a capitalist problem. I don't think there's been an economic system in human history (practiced, not theorized) that helped the have nots to the same degree as the haves.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You say we don't need more policing, but I have a point to interject.

I was completely sober while my wife was decidedly.... not. She had just struck me and it would produce a black eye later.

I called the police, aside from the abuse, my wife was experiencing a mental breakdown and was on the verge of suicide. When I say verge, I mean I had hidden or destroyed anything she could hurt herself with, including my own psych meds that I need for my own mental health issues. She still tried, though ineffectual. We needed professional help. We wanted an ambulance. We requested an ambulance from 911. The pigs showed up, of course.

I had a swelling eye, a witness, and a dramatically unstable wife and was almost arrested.

The police do not care about your well being. "Serve and protect" has been stricken down by the Supreme Court. The police serve the 1%, and deal with us plebians as easily as possible... that is to say, they will ruin your life because it is easier than taking care of the actual offender.

We need a support agency for health, especially mental health, crises. A mentally unstable person can cause a lot of damage, either to their own life, or others. That includes death.

End statement. TL;DR; we need a public agency that helps people who are having a mental health crisis and doesn't treat them as violent extremists.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (4 children)

The city I live in has a "crisis services" unit for mental health crises, drug abuse related crises, welfare checks, psychiatric evaluation for hospitalization, and so on.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

I've used one of these before. The main problem is that you're often put on a hold for at least 72 hours.

And while this does help get you out of that immediate crisis, missing 3 days of work and pay can actually put you in a worse position when you get out.

And mental institution stays aren't always super helpful for long-term mental health. Many of them are as bad, if not worse than being in jail.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Same with my city. During the defund the police talk they made national news as an alternative to armed police response to mental health crisises.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Pretty much everyone in the USA is served by mobile crisis teams. 988 will connect you to one

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Is there a 3 digit number you can call?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

988 is a phenomenal, life-saving service, but unfortunately they don't help you get in touch with services to get out of dangerous situations.

There is the National Domestic Violence hotline, but they're A) run by a private organization, and B) literally hang up on you unless you're experienceing "intimate partner violence"-- because apparently all other forms of domestic violence don't count!!!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Sure, I’m not talking about OP’s post, but about the crisis services. 988 can get you in touch with local services, but mostly therapy.

That’s interesting about the domestic violence hotline.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I am no longer one of the 86% of Americans who never heard of this

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Pretty new. Only existed for like a year now

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Biggest problem is that you'd need the services everywhere for a 3-digit number to make sense.

Now if there was a 3-digit number that'd connect you to all the misc government services in your area, that'd be another thing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

In some cities 211 goes pretty far, but I don't know how responsive they are.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

What's the scope of help you're thinking of? Do you need to get out of a home situation for a while? You could drink a 6-12 pack and go to your local AA/NA inpatient rehab. Bring a piece of paper with import phone numbers on it and you can spend 2-4 weeks tucked away where absolutely no one knows where you are except the person(s) you call out to.

I don't condone abusing services like that. But if you really gotta go, there are options.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean like people stuck in abusive situations, cults, etc.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Most countries have that. It's called the police. Unless you're talking about shelters and the like?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Police don't help you get out of your home. The best case scenario is they arrest your abuser, who'll be back home the next morning (and hopefully won't retaliate too severely against you for humiliating them). Then, weeks to months later you have a court date-- by which time, your abuser's likely threatened you into saying whatever it takes to get them off the hook, and the judge is more than happy to play along so they can get you out the door and move onto other, "more important" cases.

And again, that's the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is your abuser convinces them you were actually the assaulter, and you're the one going to jail instead! Actually, I lied, that's the second-to-worst case scenario. Worst case scenario is the police do nothing, and leave you alone to deal with your abuser's rage at almost getting them caught. Or, you know, they just charge in guns fucking blazing because your skin's the wrong color.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So how would this alternative service be any different? Abusers can be extremely adaptive and have outright control of their victims. The playbook of national services are very easy to learn and adapt around.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Maybe not quite what OP was imagining, but I was less focused on the extraction itself and more the destination: a network of safe, private residences you could flee to, then stay at until you've found a job and are ready to move into normal housing. Even better if they have psychological professionals on hand to help you deal with your trauma-- or hell, even staffers who'll help you get in touch with psychological professionals and other resources to help you get back on your feet would be a big plus.

As for the "extraction" itself, yeah, just going in guns blazing wouldn't work. It'd probably have to vary from client to client. Could be something as simple as venmoing you money for an uber. Or maybe you could work together with the staffers on some kind of skullduggery scheme-- like you say you're going out "grocery shopping", then there's a car waiting for you in the grocery store parking lot to take you to the shelters.

Honestly, even just having a friendly voice on the other side of the phone helping you figure out a plan to get out would be a huge help.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A lot of governments do fund DA networks, including shelters. The reason they don't run them directly is because welfare agencies can't operate with the level of secrecy needed to effectively run the service. Too much would have to be 'on the books'.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Sharp disagree there. I understand you need to keep some things, like the exact locations of the shelters, a secret, but right now things are so opaque it's hard to even figure out how to check for what services might be available to you in your area. Like, literally, I wouldn't even know where to look (google "DV shelters in <my area>"??? I guess? But then you have to worry about being scammed, and the conditions, and if they take kids / pets / male victims, and, and, and...)

That's a lot of fucking time and energy to waste trying to figure out where to even ask for help, let alone actually asking it. And if you're in that situation, you do not have a lot of time and energy at your disposal.

Would be so much easier to just have a hotline you could call that could help you figure out what options are avaliable to you and how to access them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You look for the charities and open a direct dialogue with them. They will often handle the rest.

Would be so much easier to just have a hotline you could call that could help you figure out what options are avaliable to you and how to access them.

Do not underestimate the maliciously skilled. One hotline to call means one number for their phone spyware to silently alert their abuser on, and the victim then disappears in the way they most definitely did not intend to.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm talking about setting you up with a new life and cutting all ties to toxic dangerous people.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's called the police.

The police are a form of state-backed organized crime. They're far more likely to kill you than anything else. Bit like asking a rabid dog for protection.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Thats…..extreme. This does not apply everywhere

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Maybe in the US, but, for example in Germany it's really not like that!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Absolutely. And safe, private apartments the people being evacced can stay at for a few weeks / months while they look for work. Not "shelters" that are usually anything but (assuming you can even ones with space available for you in your area).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's like half the country....

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maybe we'll end up with just 1 half of the country where people are all chill and caring and the other half can be toxic to each other because they thrive off of unhealthy drama. But oh well.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm in Texas. Guess which half I'll get...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

As an escapee from the south, I'd gladly donate to help people make it out.

Nobody should have to live there, it's inhuman.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

They just helicopter you out of a argument you lost

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I could use this when I'm getting arrested for using illegal substances. They take me to a safe space where I can get high without worrying about incarceration* and inhumane treatment.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hate to break it to you, but you've been incarnated already...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Let's get carnal baby. I'll bring the caramel.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Not a great time to have diabetes...

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