this post was submitted on 29 Feb 2024
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Yup. My coworker's wife lost a baby after announcing it to me and other management (he was excited), and it was well within the first trimester. I felt really bad for him, and the best I could do is not bring it up and just focus on work.
It's hard to place yourself into someone else's position, so if in doubt, it's usually best to stay quiet.
I cooked at a restaurant with a guy who had something similar happen a couple years before I started there. His nickname was angry johny because he was so irritable. Whenever tears in heaven by Clapton came on he would would yell at the manager to skip the song and dissappear into the walk in. He ended up quitting for other reasons but a year or two later I ran into him at a bar and he and the same lady had a healthy birth and all his anger melted away and he turned into a really rad dood. He even apologized to me about his behavior in said kitchen.
Can't help but think this why we use to have fertility rituals.
Some genes mixes are less compatible than others
Marry the one you can easily procreate with.
I know we're not supposed to say it but consider where we're posting here, a series a miscarriages actually is your fault, technically your genes faults but you are your genetic code.
Think how much hatred this fuck put out there because he chose a nearly incompatible mat.
Christ this might be one of the worst things I have read on Lemmy.
I am honored.
I would like to thank all of the unviable embryos.
We could not have had this moment together without them.
Honestly I don't even know where to begin with this comment. Like, blaming people for their miscarriage is a taboo and for good reason. It doesn't matter how right you might be, it is still wrong on so many levels.
Yep. But it's fun to stop and realize how fucking hilariously bizarre we are as a species; pretending we're highly evolved logical beings.
We each make our existences more miserable out of politeness. A concept that has shifted and lurched over humanity's existence.
Yes, hilarious to think that we don't blame parents of a miscarriage for their miscarriage? The fuck is wrong with you mate? I really hope you never have to go through that shit, because it's fucking miserable and crushing....and you want to laugh about how "hilariously bizarre" it is to help people cope and deal with the pain of loss.
This is like some red-pilled, trolling 14 year old shit, and like any other teenage ignorant rationality, fucking incorrect and misleading.
Miscarriages can happen for so many reasons, in fact, it's so common that around 1/5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. It's estimated that only around half are due to genetic abnormalities during development, the other half is due to structural issues in the uterus, nutrient and chemical imbalances, and other external factors outside of the uterus that can cause it. Hell, it's not even been proven if the causes of miscarriages are hereditary or not, and you think your so "enlightened" as to why they happen that your willing to just casually blame the parents, like your some sperged abortion guru.
Knock if off with dumb, ignorant shit like this. It's not to late for you to start being a better person.
Yes. Exactly that sort of emotional reaction is so fascinating. And I'm certainly not pretending I wouldn't feel the same way about this or any other thing.
But try remove yourself from the humanity of it, if you can. Imagine looking at us as a distant observer, a few galaxy over.
Our lives are so silly and random and meaningless and we take much of it all so seriously.
How close were any of us to being naturally aborted?
Life is suffering only if you allow it to be. I choose to enjoy the ride. Sorry, not sorry that my life philosophy offends you. There is a beauty to having no purpose, purpose a limitation.
To pull from Rick and Morty like any edgelord should, "What is my purpose" -- I'd rather it be "none, you fucking don't matter," than "you make baby" or "you pass the butter"
You killed your twin in the womb, didn't you?
Your claiming that I am wrong and your insistence that I "take the L" together indicate you are approaching this from emotion rather than reason.
You have made no attempt to back up your claims and so my only option is to dismiss them.
The divide between comforting lies and unpleasant truths is very clearly at play for this issue.
Science is on my side here.
The majority of miscarriages are from chromosomal abnormalities.
Environmental factors are the parts the mother can control so as I see it, you're the asshole here for blaming the mother for not creating a better nesting situation.
Please feel free to back up your accusations with facts.
Until, some more unasked for advice. I figure since you're giving me some, politeness dictates i returned the favor.
Take some deep breaths. Find your inner peace. You seem to have a lot of hatred focused at me. That shits not healthy.
No facts to back it up, just the righteous indignation. Cool.
You haven't proved that and you cannot know that.
Volume has not be established.
Ignorance is more plentiful than knowledge. I see why you are confused
The ignorant cannot comprehend the depth of knowledge, their perspective is limited by the shallows of ignorance.
Are you enjoying the show?
Where is your evidence that any of this is true? You are making bold claims about human genetics, though I am willing to accept them if you have sufficient evidence.
From what I understand miscarriages are common regardless as human reproduction is a very finicky process where many embryos fail to even implant. These don't even get classed as conventional miscarriages or often even noticed as embryos are so small at this stage.
What I do find kind of funny is that people aren't prepared for miscarriages when they are so very common of an occurrence. Especially if you want multiple kids it should be expected that you will miscarry at least once. Previous generations wouldn't be this hung up on it as early infant death was common, nevermind miscarriage, and they understood that the process was fickle at best.
I think it's all funny. I think it's especially funny that people are so offended at me for noticing the funny surrounding this topic.
It's emotional topic for people who have miscarriages and I am labeled as bad for having the wrong emotion. That alone is hilarious.
Your rose color glasses on how people of the past approach this is silly. Infanticide was widely practiced prior to modern history. Some estimates put it at 50% for distant eras. The preciousness of children is a modern invention.
For much of humanity's existence children were a burden and pregnancy wasn't a choice. Now that it is a choice, there is this added guilt that society chooses to wash away with comforting lies.
So guessing they would care about a miscarriage, then? No?
I don't get why your downvoting me, I agree with you that people shouldn't be as upset over marriages.
What I disagree on is that miscarriages ever had anything to do with genetic compatibility. You're going to have to present scientific evidence if you want to make that claim. It sounds like you just made it up to be honest.
Edit: wouldn't care, not would care.
That's the part you think I made up?
I'll admit I can't source that one, most of the studies are on cousin fucking but it would reason the most genetically diverse a couple is the less common abnormalities.
And if people were killing their viable births why would they fret over the non-viable ones?
I am claiming that the reason people get upset about them now is because the process is highly planned and they are highly invested in the outcome.
That's exactly what I am saying. I put the wrong word in the last comment.
First off that's not how that works. If two individuals are two far apart genetically they can't breed at all or they would have disabled or infertile offspring. That's why you can't mix random species.
Second lookup how human mating selection works. There are mechanisms in place to ensure people with the right genetic compatibility are the ones breeding. Part of this is actually making sure they are similar enough to be viable, while still having some things like the immune system be distinct. This deals with inbreeding and makes the population as a whole less susceptible to a single infectious agent. Sure this is far from bulletproof but without extensive genetic testing you're not really going to be able to do any better. There is no easy way to tell what your genetic compatibility is with someone.
There is no reason to assume they aren't compatible from a single miscarriage. Not all miscarriages are caused by genetic issues. Thanks to things like de novo mutations and cross-over each embryo has unique genetics anyway, so genetic issues in any given symbiote don't mean the couple which produced them has issues with genetic incompatibility in general. It could simply be bad luck, or many other factors like the age of the couple or exposure to radiation or environmental toxins all of which cause genetic and fertility problems.
This started specifically with a couple who had a series of miscarriages and me pontificating and the value of fertility compatibility before marriage being a thing.
There isn't a lot of good data on could find on miscarriages as percentages. A lot of it is self reporting which isn't trustworthy on this charged of a topic. It's very rare for anyone to do the testing to determine why the pregnancy failed but what I could find was quite conclusive that it's genetic incompatibility with life.
And I really don't get the point of these strong emotions that it's sometimes environmental causes, like drinking or drugs somehow makes it not directly the fault of the mother. At least genetics isn't something we control.
People are fucking weird and not in the interesting way where they are expressing a uniqueness.
Conformists need their placated reality. 🤷
I never talked about drink or drugs. Are you dumb or a troll or something? Environmental toxin means pollution, and things like lead pipes that are still used all over the world. You're exposed to mutagenic agents everyday. Even without them random mutations happen anyway, like literally all the time. It's the same reason why cancer is inevitable in all animals (and similar diseases in other multicellular life). None of that is the fault of the mother.
I actually don't understand what you are talking about now. What does this have to do with anything we have discussed? Please explain.