sorry again for assuming in anger that you were unserious and sorry for being so combative.

There are a lot of people saying things that seem superficially similar to your argument specifically to absolve people for exempting themselves from vaccination out of convenience, and not empirical risk minimization. I think your calculus is mostly reasonable, especially in the example you gave, though I wonder about some of the conclusions in the myocarditis work I linked on the vaccine-induced symptoms resolving faster and being better tolerated by the patients as compared to those of the infection.

Only if we want them to stay mad at their significant other....

It's invalidating, and feels bad to be on the receiving end of "you shouldn't be mad at the thing you're mad at" when you're venting.