this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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politics

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Summary

Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible. Carlson described waking with intense pain, bleeding claw marks, and an overwhelming urge to read the Bible. He recounted the experience as confusing yet transformative, adding that while he doesn’t expect others to believe him, the incident profoundly impacted him.

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[–] [email protected] 364 points 3 days ago (13 children)

At the time, Carlson says, he was asleep in bed with his wife – and four dogs.

I have an alternate theory about those claw marks...

[–] [email protected] 120 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Even Fido has had enough of his shit

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago

Hopefully Fucker gets rabies

[–] [email protected] 92 points 3 days ago (3 children)

I watched that video, and had he just stuck to being suddenly awake and having claw marks I would have thought there was something odd. But he led with having four dogs in the bed, so when he said he had claw marks...dear lord, he's either trying too hard to play to some niche audience, or he's really that stupid. At least make the story sound plausible...we know you can lie, why didn't you just leave off some details here to sell it better.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Ever since he got kicked off Fox, he's been making the pivot to the hard right audience, which includes the narrative that they're in a spiritual war against the literal devil.

It's the same conspiracy-laden bullshit that Alex Jones pushes.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 3 days ago (3 children)

It's Jon Stewart's fault. Tucker never recovered from that jab about the bow tie.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 3 days ago

And he never wore a bow tie after that. Lol.
If anything, Tucker needs another sit-down with Jon

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

He's been holding a towel on his rear-end ever since.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The dude used to wear a bow tie, unironically, and in public no less, so...

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Bowties are cool.

The bowtie wasn't the problem.

It's the person that makes it uncool.

I'd argue that the fact that he stopped wearing the bowties when he was mocked for it says more about him than the bowties do.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

It absolutely does. Jon knew it would have to be something low to get under his skin and he was right.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

I've been rocking a bowtie for a while, and my wife loves it. Maybe it's that his were clipons.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

I bet it's deliberate. Like a power play knowing his story is clearly bullshit but the morons he's appealing to are believing it making him feel even more superior.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 days ago

Occam's Razor? Naw, it's gotta be Occam's Jewish Space Laser.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, if I were married to Tucker Carlson I'd be pretty messed up too.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

We know his wife didn't leave them in the throes of passion, that's for sure

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago (4 children)

But a mistress that he's trying to cover up? That's plausible.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

If by "mistress" you mean "4 dogs" then I agree.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

He brought the Bible into it so I’m betting it was a misteress.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

A dominatrix is also plausible

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

No man! It was a succubus!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

Dude, even small dogs can hog some serious space. 4 dogs? I'm surprised there's any room left for the fucker and his wife. He probably got scratches falling out of bed.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

Yeah, i imagine his wife is pretty vicious.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

Holy shit I did not think the alt right could get any fucking dumber.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

"I went to bed and woke up next to this unconscious woman... I was in my bed with the wife and dogs at the time, so she must've been a demon."

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

Is it Tucker Carlson has hell hounds for pets?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

I do too. Paranoid delusions

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

His boyfriend choked him out too hard? I'm bad at inferences.