I know this is overused and cliché but it gets better eventually. I had a very similar family situation and I knew that it wouldn’t get better until I move out so I essentially masked and became what they wanted me to be. I particularly have a narcissistic mom and she often projected onto me so I just had to perform to satisfy her delusions. Being two people at once is exhausting but you eventually compromise with yourself and bear with it until you can get into a situation to stop pretending.

There will always be a niche online community with your specific interests. The people you will meet online will stay as long as you make an effort to keep in touch. Even the low maintenance relationships are valuable. Maybe shoot a message to one of your old friends and see where that goes. Wouldn’t hurt to say hi every now and then.

Life is what you make it out to be, given whatever resources you have. Granted it’s not always going to be good and a lot of times it will hurt. Learning to accept that pain and sitting with it for a little helps a whole lot. There’s only so much that you can control. You can try to make your learning joyful again; try to reignite or find the passion in new knowledge. You can try and lessen your impact on the climate by eating less animal products and choosing plant-based options more.

Antidepressants aren’t meant to be a magic happy pill. Start with the small things. Maybe a good depression room cleaning and rearranging things around. A walk in the park. Less time on the screen. Sitting with your emotions. Venting and crying it out.

Yesterday, I would’ve agreed with and just wallowed with you but things got better today. You’re not alone. I believe that you can pick yourself up again one step at a time.