traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns
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I'm kinda scared I was all wrong all along and am actually cis :(
That's a perfectly normal thing to feel. I had similar thoughts and concerns around that time in your transition. In fact, it was about a year when I was able to finally shake the last bit of it off. Let's be honest, transitioning is a terrifying thing. You're changing your entire body, you're (potentially) changing your entire social self, you're subjecting yourself to external criticism with strangers, and after a certain point, some of it you can't go back on. But just remember, you have come as far as you have for a reason. Cis folks don't have the feelings that you're having. Cis folks don't start transitioning. Cis folks wouldn't subject themselves to the things we do. Just remember why you started this path and remind yourself of how you felt when you first took your estrogen.
Thank you ❤️ and yeah I mean I have felt dramatic changes since starting HRT in terms of just my ability to even think straight. I like how I see myself in the mirror now. But for the past 3 weeks I've been filled with this anxiety that has some source that I can't really understand. Like, mentally, my mind is constantly racing and I've been having absolutely horrifying intrusive thoughts. I know I have ADHD and probably some symptoms of OCD but I'm just scared that this is because of the estrogen. Idk. I probably need to see a therapist. I did some mushrooms which precipitated this and I've just been feeling so shitty since. It will probably just take time and it maybe probably isn't the estrogen
Same. I feel like I’ve never felt euphoria or dysphoria but I can’t tell if it’s because I’m just that good at ignoring shit. But also I really enjoy playing as a girl, presenting as femme in a way that is girl-adjacent in digital ways, etc. but real life make up just makes me sad and different pronouns make me feel awkward, even though if I interrogate myself I feel like it’s just because they’re different, and I don’t really care that much either way.
Is it cis for calling myself trans to be more affirming than these things that are supposed to be? Is that weird?
Edit: I feel like if I took HRT there’s a high chance it would be extremely affirming but clinics don’t let you do something as significant as that as a TEST
Just don't tell them it a test lol
It feels silly to do it as a test too though
That's kinda what I did, I mean I wasn't 100% sure when I did it. Puberty is puberty is what I'm telling myself now though, but like after 2 months I'm kinda like no matter what I'm gonna keep taking estrogen.
So no its not silly but also do you
Honestly? I think that should be more normalized, across the board. A month or two of hrt (usually) won't cause massive physical changes, but it will change your mental state, and seeing whether that change is good or bad can give a lot of self-knowledge.
I legit don't think it's silly to "test" hrt at all. I wish it were normal and doctors were cool with it
This is very validating and also based, thank you