this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2024
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no you can't
I'm not huge or athletic but I probably weigh, like, twice as much as a goose. I get that they're incredibly pissy and they have teeth and pointy bits, but I'm still betting on me.
Our battle will be legendary. I may lose my life but I am bringing down the bastard with me.
That's the spirit
I grew up near geese. You will not win without just straight up killing it. And you will be more hurt than you could believe.
In this context I think we have to assume life or death tactics by both combatants.
But that’s an important distinction because MOST of the time we deal with pissed off animals that we don’t want to hurt, much less kill. So that gives some animals a big advantage in real world encounters. Maybe most adults could kill a goose if they had to, but in real life 99% of adults are going to back off or run away rather than deal with a fucking goose!
brb taking out a mortgage to bet on the goose
Punt to the chest. Bird bones are papier mâché. Never get in a fist fight with a goose, their wings will break your arms. Definitely don't try and snap its spindly little neck. Just kick it in the chest
Maybe if you have little bird bitch arms.
Me? I'm nothing but arms. With all the typing and masturbation I do, I'm nothing but them.
Me: 💪🧠 🤳