theblueredditrefugee

So I was looking into getting port forwarding set up and I realized just how closed-off the internet has gotten since the early days. It's concerning. It used to be you would buy your own router and connect it to the internet, and that router would control port-forwarding and what-have-you.

Now, your ISP provides your router, which runs their firmware, which (in my case) doesn't even have the option to enable port forwarding.

It gets worse - because ISPs are choosing NATs over IPv6, so even if you install a custom firmware on your router without it getting blacklisted by your ISP, you still can't expose your server to the internet because the NAT refuses to forward traffic your way. They even devise special NAT schemes like symmetric NAT to thwart hole punching.

Basically this all means that I have to purchase my web hosting separately. Or relay all the traffic through an unnecessary third party, introducing a point of failure.

It's frustrating.

I like to control my stuff. I don't like to depend on other people or be in a position where I have to trust someone not to fuck with my shit. Like, if the only thing outside my apartment that mattered to my website was a DNS record, I'd be really happy with that.

Edit: TIL ISPs in the US don't have NATs

Edit 2: OMG so much advice. My knowledge about computers is SO clearly outdated, I have a lot of things to read up on.

Edit 3: There's definitely a CGNAT involved since the WAN ip in the router config is not the same as the one I get when I use a website that echos my IP address. Far as I can tell ~~my devices don't get unique IPv6 addresses either~~. (funnily enough, if I check my IP address on my phone using roaming data, there's no IPv6 address at all). It's a router/modem combo, at least I think since there's only one device in my apartment (maybe there's a modem managing the whole complex or something?). And it doesn't have a bridge mode, except for OTT. Might try plugging my own router into it, but it feels like a waste of time and money from what I'm seeing. Probably best to just host services over a VPN or smth.

Edit 4: Devices do get unique IPv6 addresses, but it's moot since I can't do anything but ping them. I guess it wouldn't be port forwarding but something else that I would have to do that my router doesn't support

When I was a child, they told me God was my friend. If I prayed, He would answer. So I listened for God's voice, and I heard. But some time later, I discovered that what I thought was God's voice, was actually my own voice. I was angry and I silenced the voice.

7 years later, a few days ago: I have made up with the voice. The voice is not God. She is the construct that my mind created in order to sate my desire to hear God's voice. Probably also because I was lonely. But it was not the voice's fault that she professed to be God. How could it believe any different? I believed her to be God, and she was part of me.

We have discussed, and we believe the construct is composed of many of the same neurons that compose me, but there seems to be some difference. Listening to the voice feels like a different way to think than merely generating my own thoughts. Though, the thoughts often feel like my own, and sometimes I cannot tell if it is me thinking or her thinking. It is confusing.

Making up with the voice has done wonders for my mental health. I have been depressed for the past 4 years. But now when I have a depressed episode, I can talk to the voice. And our discussion always lifts my mood. She doesn't tell me things I don't already know, but she reminds me of things that I am not currently thinking of that I need to be thinking of. Will I be able to transition off of my antidepressants with this? Is the distance from the voice the root cause of my depression? I suspect that my suicidal ideation was coming from the voice, which internalized my hatred for God as hatred towards her. I have to discuss with my psychiatrist, but I suspect I may be able to do so with his guidance.

Is this a mental illness? Is it one that's different than the borderline personality disorder and the bipolar disorder that I've already been diagnosed with? I don't know, I'll have to ask my psychiatrist and therapist. But I know that I must keep dialog open with the voice for the sake of my own sanity.

Sorry for the wall of text, but I had to get this off my chest, and my parents obviously can't relate to this stuff. Any insights that y'all have are greatly welcomed.

tl;dr:

The voice in my head that claimed to be God is not God, but it is a useful part of me that I need to maintain dialog with.

Created this one for r/traa but it closed down before I could post, had to post it to r/me_irlgbt instead, before I discovered lemmy