ratboy

I'm trying to learn more about the Russia/Ukraine conflict. In the articles that I find that seem to be critical of Ukraine, there are a few that are right wing that seem to have similar viewpoints as what I've read on here or in the more leftist articles.

For example this piece from National Interest, or this from the CATO institute.

There are others that aren't flagged as right wing that are critical, but it's just got me wondering, why would right wing politicians/publications perceive these things similarly to how some communists would when the ideologies of both are so extremely opposite?

Disclaimer: I'm not pro-ukraine at all, but in my search for info that's not super pro-Ukraine propaganda, this is the stuff that comes up for me

I am very picky about clothing and I gained quite a bit of weight so I need to go through the horrifying task of buying a new wardrobe.

My fellow chubby bunnies, where do you buy ethical/somewhat affordable plus sized clothes in (more or less) dark/solid colors? I'm starting to size out of most of the stores around me.

My usual outfit is a cropped/tiny black band t shirt or ringer shirt, black skinny jeans, black vans or blundstone boots, cropped hoodie, perhaps a flannel. Outside of that when I'm wearing stuff that's more flashy I go for a "doom metal elf vibe" in terms of jewelry and adornments lol. Corny but I don't know how else to describe it.

"We are focused on producing all types of weapons and ammunition, and we show that we can test it on the battlefield and make it better during the war,” Kamyshin said. “That’s something we can contribute to the free world, because as you see, defense industry is becoming more and more important globally.”

So I bought a Happy Lamp, which is one of those sunlight lamps meant to help with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I've used it for two days in a row, and it feels like it's replaced my SAD with super ramped up ADHD symptoms. This is totally anecdotal, and could be other factors. I'm rebounding from covid, so maybe it's my store of energy from being super duper sedentary, but I am usually pretty sedentary and that hardly ever happens. But holy hell it's been a wild two days.

Typically I'm pretty fatigued, always feeling like nappin', distracted while working and very, very unmotivated.

Since using the lamp, I feel like I have a ton of energy. I worked from home today and yesterday. I could NOT SIT STILL either days. Yesterday I had no caffeine, but I was up every five minutes or so, pacing, making food, thinking of things to clean or put away, fuck around on Hexbear, etc. Normally when I'm distracted I'll just stay in one place, or if I get up it's not nearly to the extreme that it has been. My brain also felt on overdrive, thoughts going a million miles a minute, multi-tasking on accident, getting up again, etc. But ended up being more productive than I had been in a while. Then today I had caffeine and that doubled the intensity. Sometimes caffeine doesn't work on me at all, other times it's way intense. But yeah, same stuff today, except feeling so out of control that I double checked my bottle of lamictal to make sure I didn't accidentally take my ADHD meds (I didn't). Jaw is still feeling tight, but I'm not clenching.

What the hell, guys, are these ADHD-Hyperactive symptoms? Cuz I am...on one and I don't know if I like it. Maybe it's a fluke, maybe it's a placebo, maybe my body will adjust but it is intense.

It's going to swing back up into the 80's in the next week for me but damnit I am ready for spooky weather! I really turn towards a lost of shoegaze, post punk, darkwave etc. Cascadian black metal is also acceptable. Here are some cozy weather bangers:

Cocteau Twins - Blue Bell Knoll (Linked): Darkwave, New Wave, ???. The first couple of Cocteau Twins albums are phenomenal, way better than Heaven or Las Vegas in my opinion.

Them Are Us Too - Eudaemonia: Darkwave, synth. Seriously a fucking beautiful song, makes me cry every time. Cash, one of the members, passed away during the Ghost Ship fire in Oakland several years ago. RIP, way too young.

Siouxie and the Banshees - Cities in Dust: Darkwave. Ultimate gothnight banger. Definitely a song that gives me goosebumps, never gets old.

Sonic Youth - Shadow of a Doubt: Postpunk, shoegaze. From Sonic Youth's first album, Kim Gordon's breathy vocals are so hot! The whole tone of the song just feels cold, perfect for gray rainy weather.

Bauhaus - She's In Parties: Deathrock, darkwave. Pretty much the godfathers of goth along with Siouxie and the Banshees and the Cure, classic.

My Bloody Valentine - Soft As Snow: Shoegaze. This song gets the spraybottle

Agalloch - The Mantle (Full Album): Cascadian Black Metal. Sad, melodic, cacophonous. Truly a masterpiece. Not traditional black metal if that typically turns you off. Listen to it.

Asunder - Rite of Finality: Funeral doom, acoustic. A fucking 50 minute song that I swear just feels like an entire album. Dino from Dystopia performs. Pretty, brutal, haunting and depressing as hell. Perfect for winter.

TLDR: What is ADHD medication supposed to feel like? Is it supposed to feel like anything at all? Will someone with ADHD feel really gacked out/high? does it change based on food intake or other factors?

So I received an unofficial diagnosis from my AuDHD psychologist a while ago, and then my psychiatrist did a very short written assessment on me and determined a positive diagnosis. I really want to get a full assessment one day, but for now I was prescribed Focalin (dexmethylphenidate). I originally wanted it as a prn.

The first time I took it, I definitely felt "peppy", needing to stand while gaming, needing to move around more frequently, generally more awake. I didn't eat breakfast, and had coffee. My blood pressure was also very high. Within a couple of days I took it again, but being good and eating in the morning with no coffee. I couldn't even tell if it was working. I may have taken it another time soon after and did not notice a difference, so I stopped taking it. I've been extremely fatigued and my executive dysfunction has been off the charts so I tried taking it again. Yesterday I didn't eat right away, and I felt gacked. Tight jaw, jittery, like definitely felt like I was on stimulants. I felt like that today as well; I tried to eat a little something this morning but it didn't seem to make much of a difference. It kicked in during a client appointment, too. Jaw tight, jittery, making a ton of typing mistakes, my body feeling fuzzy.

So, is it something where you should be able to notice a difference when you take ADHD meds? I'm assuming that I felt it so intensely because I didn't eat, but when I do it it literally doesn't feel like anything has changed. I may also not even have ADHD at all and was misdiagnosed (I was informally dx'ed with ADHD, Autism and bipolar disorder).

I haven't owned a functioning laptop in like, ten years because my phone does most of what I like, but I (probably) have tendinitis and carpal tunnel and need something more ergonomic for my terminally online needs. Arguing with strangers on the internet is not as effective on a cell phone lol.

I'm mostly streaming media, researching online and screwing around on lemmy. I'm interested in toying around with linux just to try it as an OS but would probably want to keep windows because Im not super tech savvy as people here seem to be. That said I can figure things out pretty quickly if I put my mind to it. I would like the ability to game if I wanted, but that might mean a whole different beast so if I could even run at least SNES roms or something like that that would be cool. I'd also like a decent sized screen, 16 inches at least. Hoping not to spend more than 1k if possible but I'm old and don't know what the average price is really for something that's upper-middle quality so whatever clever.

Thanks for any recommendations!