ashinadash

The absolute unmitigated horror

Of non-irony-poisoned posting

HOW DARE @[email protected] remind me that Yes is good and I am, in fact, a proggers.

I'm a big Jon Anderson fan, I know Chris Squire technically started Yes in 1968 but it's always been Jon Anderson's baby to me. Can't have Yes without Jon; follows then fhat his solo work is really good. I was listening to Animation today, and I was like 'shit, this is new-wave baroque-pop, or something. Genious!' It does remind me of The Visitors by Abba more than I had expected, but more synthpop than disco. The percussion on Olympia that sounds as much like pistons as cymbals goes hard, the whole album goes hard. Not every Jon Anderson album is good but this one is :)

But it won't work. I will NEVER adjust my posting

Don't think this needs content warnings. Thanks, Cromalin!

I have either high standards or low tolerance for queer manga I guess, it's uncommon that I finish them. At first I figured this one was just another for the pile, because I loaded up the first chapter and it was like

"Aw for fuck's sake, cmon, you fuckin' loser manga. Do better!" Thankfully it actually does do better.

So yeah, it's the usual "he got turned into A GIRL overnight!!!1!" appropos of nothing setup, and the first couple chapters almost rolled my eyes out of my head. At times I was getting hints of transmasc-ness from it, protagonist Akira is so averse to being a girl early on.

Sorry dog, cannot fucking relate. A lot of it is taken up with the kind of goofy "golly gee girls have it hard! I'm bored I wish I was doing BOY THINGS", super painfully obvious gender-binary observations, standard issue stuff. It also does that thing where because Akira LIVED AS A BOY he UNDERSTANDS THE OTHER BOYS SO WELL or whatever, invoked here when a guy in class gets mad and tries to fuckin punch Akira. Wild, I almost dropped it a couple times, even if it is good for screencaps.

What makes this one worth it is the genuine trans positivity that comes through about ten chapters in. Not even subtextually! Skirt do be going spinny, and I had a tough time not enjoying watcbing Akira get used to skirts and get comfy having girls as friends, stuff like that.

It's the little things, the small and quiet affirmations that stand out from the mess. I remember this, I recall what it felt like. Extremely good feeling. The doctors Akira goes to, for her magical overnight transsexualism condition(PLEASE), are all enthusiastic and accepting of her deciding that Actually, being a girl is rad. Her family even is too!!

It's charming and fluffy and made me smile, which made it well worth the hour or whatever I spent reading it. Some of the school-social stuff I find unpleasant but it's par for the course when a ten year old magically becomes an gril. Every other gender-bender manga I've read has ended up on my shitlist, but this one's okay actually. Very nice!

Sorry everything I write is the worst kind of venting monologue, something brainworms. Why am I awake at 4am.

I really wish that the desire for socialisation was not a natural part of being human because socialisation causes me brain damage now and has done for a long time. I'm a serial message deleter, I will comb back over messages and conversations and wondering what subtexts and implied meanings I have missed, in what ways I have unknowingly jammed my foot in my mouth. If I'm lucky it becomes obvious days or weeks or months, or even years later, and I get to feel fucking mortified about it. I refuse to keep putting myself through that.

So I wish my brain would stop feeling lonely and shitty and sad and desiring to talk to people about stuff. I barely even have the means now anyway, I have no idea where to find servers or groups or whatever else to talk in, and no I will not try to go out into the real world and talk to people. That seems like a really atrocious idea, I can barely manage speaking any of what pops into my brain irl, it just becomes painful and stilted script following. Plus, where do you even find opportunities like that? Fuck putting myself into new and scary situations that might not even benefit me.

In many ways I actually really regret doing the digging-around about autism. I miss the blissful unawareness I had; I used to just think things were fine, or if they obviously weren't people were just being weird, people were just weird sometimes. That's the correct mindset, because fuck neurotypical social rules obviously. I knew (know? idk) someone who told me just that, but since the NT rules are the assumed ground rules, I always find myself checking for what I missed. Sitting with the vague and unhelpful notion that I said or did something wrong. This is the part of being a person that I despise.

Also using semicolons is cringe, I'm pretty sure I don't even use them right.

This is probably the single most unhinged thing I've ever put on this website, but people have told me not to self censor and delete shit instead of posting it. I'm always losing that battle but I still have to try.

I'm not really sure why, maybe this concept is overloading my weakbaby social capabilities. But looking at a circular owl profile pic shitposting loudly, or a username venting about something in main, and making the connection that those words were said by an entire human being with a life of their own hundreds or thousands of miles away is just sort of short circuiting my brain. Obviously I have intellectually, logically known that you're all people, because you say things, but actually conceptualising it...

That is a huge amount of person by volume for such a little bear website.

It's tough to visualise, like even for a small hexagonal bear post, if every profile pic and username is an actual person, (THEY ARE) then there are more of them than could comfortably fit in my living room. That many entire real people, in one place, badposting. Being gay(and more), saying 'Death to Amerikkka', sharing heartfelt support for people and movements, yeah that's too many people, this is definitely short circuiting my brain.

May update when I figure out how to make my grey matter stop having a panic attack.

Warlockracy's nice guided tour to the best game ever made, pretty much. Watchin this video and nodding along like a dipshit. Hearing the Fallout voice acting and saying "MAN..."

Tbh I think spotting & deciding new taglines is a sort of art. I never woulda earmarked this comment for it, but the out-of-context "Shut up bidet gang, I know" is peak comedy.

Tbh I think spotting & deciding new taglines is a sort of art. I never woulda earmarked this comment for it, but the out-of-context "Shut up bidet gang, I know" is peak comedy.

I'm sharin' this video 'cause I hate it with a passion. It is what no intersectionality does to a mf. Womanhood is when cops kill trans people.

It's pretty annoying because I've put a lot of brainwork into not only hating, but actively loving my physical form. Dysphoria ain't shit, I love my flesh vehicle. I don't even wanna shed the flesh and become the machine, that much, having gooey flesh and blood is rad.

Except oh, I forgot, there's this weird bone deformity in my chest that seems to be draining all the stamina and energy from me at increasing speeds. Oh, my body no longer does what I tell it to because it reacts with pain at any upper body exertion at all. Oh, my body feels broken and dysfunctional and a barely working construction of frail bones with skin thrown over.

It's fucking tiring mentally, I made myself this wonderful body the way I like it, and now it's falling apart and wasting away because something that's been wrong with my chest cavity since puberty has finally gone the rest of the way wrong. I sure wish the doctors I'd seen repeatedly had done something about it instead of brushing me off! I didn't even get much time to be a healthy adult, pretty much as soon as I was 18 or 19 I started feeling the hurt.

How do you keep your self image from getting rekt by having chronic pain & physical disabilities? I feel malformed and broken which I really powerfully hate. Exhausting...

Hi c/technology, I'm agitated about a specific topic and the 'normal' queers on discord are not really tolerating my rambles so I hope it's ok if I post em here. Prepare yourself for one embarrassing boomer-ass take

I have two sets of bluetooth headphones. One is the Sennheiser BT4.50 which I got on a firesale($40) when they were clearing stock, and one is the Anker Q35. They're both terrible!

There are the practicality concerns of course, like that it's yet another battery to charge, which also means most bluetooth headphones have limited lifespans and are guaranteed e-waste. It's yet another 2.4GHz signal on top of the pile of them coming from [old 2.4G wifi devices/2.4G wireless peripherals/etc], and yet another wireless thing that refuses to sync randomly. The Android apps that these things try to use are teeeeerrible shovelware that barely works (the Soundcore app took like three re-connects to pick up my Q35). It's a lot of trouble that could be fixed by just running a cable down my shirt.

I get that there's a niche for this stuff, though. If I'm watching Youtube or a movie or whatever on a computer box hooked up to a TV, nobody wants to run a 3.5mm cable ten feet or more from that box to the couch for headphones. I use little Bluetooth 3.5mm receiver/transciever hooked up to headphones (Fostex T50RP mk3) for this purpose. And the sound quality isn't even that bad; the difference between a flac over a cable and a flac through SBC codec is pretty small. AptX is hard to tell apart at all.

That's on a $250 (CAD!) set of planar magnetic headphones though. The BT4.50s and the Q35s? They are dogshit. I thought that the ability to run a cable to these things might remove the problem of their limited lifespan, but in the case of the Q35s they sound atrocious wired without the EQ built into their goofy app. The Sennheiser just sounds like trash period. Curiously both of them have pretty much no high end, and probably worse sound stage than fully closed-back headphones like the Audio Technica M40x I have.

It feels weird that the bottleneck in sound quality for wireless headphones is not the BT codec, but the actual drivers. That's the short and long of it though; I feed them stuff like the Killing Joke selftitled or Big Generator by Yes, basically any of my really high dynamic range CDs as well as some 24/48 vinyl rips (Face Dances by The Who, Dreamboat Annie by Heart) and then some more modern crushed stuff for fun, bits of Black Dresses or some math rock and whatnot. None of it sounds any good on the BT4.50 or the Q35 without EQ, and even with the Q35's EQ it can't really hold a candle to even a middling set of cans like the M40x. I guess this makes sense, because you're paying for the battery and the bluetooth stuff and the amplification and the mics/noise cancelling? But damn, your wireless options are the same price as wired for way worse sound, or maybe theoretically more costly for the same quality? Pls hmu if you know of any bluetooth headphones that would measure up to classic cans like the Sennheiser HD600, Fostex T50 etc. tyvm

For what it's worth, that noise cancelling is probably worth the money on its own - the ability to just block out the sound of the neighbour's kids shrieking or the annoying bass-pulse of an air conditioner is really rad. Both of these bluetooth headsets do a pretty good job of blocking out background sounds, and that's rad for autism gang & anyone else who has sensory processing troubles. But that is pretty much their only niche imo! If I wanna watch junk on Youtube and there's a jackhammer going across the hall, I grab a wireless set and hope the bluetooth will pair automatically.

But if I actually wanna listen to anything in non-vomit audio quality wirelessly, I'm strapping one of those little bluetooth re/trans-ceiver things to my real headphones and pairing that(which has a better hit rate for pairing than the Q35, lol lmao) to my PC or an android box.

To be real though, in 99% of the cases I use headphones, a cable is easier & more convenient & results in the best audio quality. Using headphones on a PC at a desk? Wired. Hooking headphones up to the phone for a Youtube clip? Wired. Fiio M7 for music? Wired. If distance isn't a factor, bluetooth is a huge hassle for a worse experience overall.

I just hate with a passion that this at-best niche product category that performs worse than the established counterpart (remember how badly stuff like the ~~Bluebuds X~~ Braggi Dash were for disconnects?) seems to be replacing wired options in the popular conscious?? Phones and laptops without 3.5mm jacks should be considered war crimes, trust me. No I do not care if it's about IP67 water protection, do better pls. No excuse. I despise this trend.

Granted, I'm a weird freak and willing to lay down a lot of convenience in pursuit of "shit sounds good". More than a lot of people, like I'm pretty sure the average person would look at you funny for suggesting that they carry a second device around for music. I didn't like MP3(or lossy codecs lol) as a premise, because don't decide what I can and can't hear(even if I can't hear a lot of difference lol), but I at least understand why MP3 was cool and rad. For one thing it predates flac, but also an album in MP3 is like less than a third the size of the flac equivalent, and big files would fill up your shitty 80GB IDE drive(or worse yet, your ipod) real fast. The tradeoff in sound quality which most people probably can't even hear for very small file sizes makes a ton of sense, even now with codecs like opus. I only fill big SD cards with flacs 'cause I'm a stubborn fucker.

But bluetooth audio in general seems like a niche technology with one or two cool uses(TV with headphones, and those embarrassing bluetooth earpieces executives used to have in the 2000s) that mainstream users are adopting with all its numerous faults, exclusively for the privilege of not having to take off the headphones before you get up from a desk. For the privilege of not having a cable running through your sweater? All this garbage just for that?

It's possible my myopic ass is missing some critical use case that normals have, and I know most nornals do not care at all for sound quality. I also know that people will have had both better and worse experiences as far as bluetooth goes, but maaan this shit sucks and it makes me buttmad that they wanna get rid of cables for pretty much no reason, grrrrr gonna go stare at the bits of vintage audio gear I have, rip