An older lady was trying to push two carts at the same time out of a warehouse club store. I was just carrying TP by hand, so I offered to push her extra cart.

She called me her bodyguard. I ascended immediately to heaven.

Smh. No freaks in these comments, apparently.. testicles can take a lot more punishment than you think. A photo album ain't gonna do it.

The full text of the story makes it very obvious that it's not real, as does the disclaimer at the bottom of the page:

"KVTA4 is a fabricated satirical newspaper and comedy website. KVTA4 uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental."

Conservatives love fantasizing about imprisoning their enemies without a criminal conviction.

Yeah dawg we can't possibly do two things that are good for the environment, we have to pick one. Everyone knows that.

And misogyny conditions to believe that all women are victims. They really aren't separate forces, they work together.

Eerybody needs feminism.

Until the jumping

The jumping

Or they could have just busted in a screen door lmao

"Broke a door" could mean damn near anything, maybe a piece of molding came off. Doesn't necessarily mean that they took an ancient oaken door off its hinge or something

Lmfao this has got to be the most whiny and impotent pearl clutching I've ever heard.

On a meme community, rEaLlY?!?

Why has no one consulted me about what topics I'd like to see memes about??

Become alive. Eat until I literally dissolve into goo. Become alive again. Fuck. Die.

To whom it may concern (the progenitor of my very existence):

The clockwork temporal measurement device strapped 'pon the writhing fleshy tentacle protruding from mine own thorax remains sullen and unchanging despite my best efforts at provocation.

Please advise.

Basic Hitlerite