I lost my husband almost 8 years ago and my best advice is to find support. Don't isolate yourself. For me, family and friends were there and available but I couldn't seem to open up to them. I found a Google chat group of widow(er)s that worked for me. Any time, day or night, I could text that group of people who understood this utterly un-understandable grief. They helped me not feel alone as I found my path through it.
Message me and I'll be happy to give you my contact info if you need someone to talk to.
You may try a few groups before you find the right place for you. Grief is hard to navigate and no one is going to have all the answers you're seeking. But there are people who can stand with you through this.