Semivir

Oh thank you for this! I definitely want to actively explore further, and I don't really think of it as gatekeeping myself behind the right label.

It's mostly me being conscious and afraid of making decisions that have a lasting impact, like coming out (even if it's just about the fact that I'm figuring things out). Physical changes that can't easily be reversed are still a ways away.

But I will try to take your advice to heart and allow myself to take some steps. There's always the option of chickening out, right?

Oh yeah, those comics are something else alright!

But it really feels different, for me dressing just how I feel comfortable but not how I am, I still don't feel like my true self.

Guess that answers my question just fine. No distinction, just need the safety to be yourself.

Boobs 🥴

🙏

The stuff on reddit can get wild. Or it could. I don't browse there anymore, since the events of last year.

Yeah they just had to kill the third-party clients and set their platform on fire. Well not "they", we all know who is at fault, but this is not that kind of post and we're not turning it into one.

If only there was some way of maybe scheduling a headless browser to steal all the juicy stuff that might be left without providing any more value to the platform... if only. 😇

I don't want people to feel that I'm pushing sexual stuff on them, and I don't want kids to come across it. So that's why I made the censored version.

Probably a good call, though sexuality is definitely part of a healthy life (no offence, asexual peeps) and that means there should be a place for that kind of engagement.

Speaking of ridiculous US things... yeah, you got the perfect mix of absolute bullshit there. Really makes me think about my frame of reference sometimes. If you're willing enough, maybe just bite the bullet and help them set up matrix/signal? The privacy benefits alone should be enough to convince them, let alone that it's a more versatile solution than facebook as a front-end for your community.

And I'm still super nervous about going out fully fem.

Yeah, the world at large is not a cosy place. There will be a point in time or a geographical location where you're comfortable with it, I'm sure.

"It'd be weird at first." which isn't a good reason.

It's reason enough to feel anxious, maybe not reason enough to just accept and let it stop you from doing something in your own interest. You might just be afraid of people thinking differently of you, even though they won't show it. Which is perfectly reasonable. What you have going for you is that if you did go there, you always the option of never coming back again if you get a negative result. That will definitively shift your focus towards finding new people to connect with.

Definitely Bale. Oh the memes...

[does the voice]
"Swear to me!"

Very early interactions with other children. Pretty much always being one of the girls, and taking part in activities mostly done by girls while not all that interested in the traditional guy activities.

The school had these horizontal bars my girl friends and I would twirl around endlessly. Did a lot of roleplaying with this same group of friends, including classic 'damsel in distress' scenarios, which I related to in particular. Had a crush on one of these girls, and it turns out she fought her best friend over my attention. Cue the 9-year old first relationship experience. We managed to keep it going for a year and a half until she wanted to french kiss me and I chickened out. Worst mistake of my life. 😅

The both of us were real big Tomb Raider fans back then, which was probably my first time experiencing the "be, or be with" confusion. We both had a pretty good claim at the "being" part, since we were both really into gymnastics and pretty bad ass people overall (at least as much as a 9-year old has any right to be). Naturally this would become a problem for roleplaying purposes, which I understood, so I was content being Indiana Jones instead. Looking back at those times something was definitely off there.

Then there's the mostly relating to female characters part in general, which never really stopped. And today I just consider this part of who I am. I have female role models, deal with it!

I have been refered to with the feminine variant of my name by a girl friend from next door when I was a kid. Made me wonder if she actually knew my name, no confusion at all at being "misgendered" there. Turns out, she was onto something. Currently debating using both forms of my name interchangably to see what it's like.

Had a first real crossdressing experience when I was about 13 years old, which was for a school play. Probably enjoyed being dolled up with the help of classmates way more than the average cis male should. Once again, hindsight is 20/20.

Most of the stronger signs are a recent thing though, and I see daily life in a different light now. It's actually kinda fun going out in public and looking at women around my age because the confusing part is over. I can now just look at women and either crush on them, envy them or both at the same time (which is unexpectedly thrilling). I guess it's similar to the experience a bisexual friend of mine described after coming out. "There's no more pressure, I can just look at others and enjoy, instead of feeling confused".

I'm kind of in a mental state where being trans is probably a good fit for me, but I'm trying to figure out more before committing to any coming out or transitioning. So I expect to keep experimenting to get a grip on who I want to be. In the mean time it's posting here as an outlet and figuring out what I can get away with in my appearance in daily life without having to explain what's going on.

Not sure if you saw the meme though.

Yeah I definitely saw the meme alright. From within my little bubble... while riding public transport. I had to contain my laughter so hard it hurt. The censorship just made it even better. Also definitely a mood I'm not unfamiliar with.

I really want to have girl and trans girl friends irl. I want to be around fem people that can maybe help me with girl stuff like fashion, and trans girl stuff like passing. So in the hypothetical, I'd probably want trans girl friends first.

Yeah I definitely get that. I feel like making trans girl friends is the safest way to get into that stuff because at the very least you're sure they won't have a wildly unpredictable reaction to the "hey, BTW I'm trans" revelation (depending on where you are with respect to transitioning of course). I definitely feel like I could use some real life trans girl friends, even if it were just to express myself more freely like I do on here. The big issue is actually finding them when you're not ready to commit to something like going to local support groups.

So sorry to hear about your social circle breaking down. Sounds like it is for the best though, and I'm willing to bet any new friends you'll gain will probably be better for you in the long run. I've been through a similar situation where I've pretty much not retained any friendships growing up. Every friend I've made since has been great so far, even though I still don't maintain many friendships. Bottom line is there's always hope, just gotta find the right people.

Thanks for sharing! Can't quite recall if I've ever met a butch lesbian trans woman before, but that's probably just lack of exposure on my part. Your description of "masculine woman" is definitely a vivid one though, and it makes sense to me.

I don't really know how I'd rate myself on a "Masculine-feminine" spectrum.

Great news! Staying true to the definition or existence of a masculine-feminine spectrum was never the point of this post, and you managed to satisfy my curiosity without even answering this question. So yeah, fuck the spectrum, it doesn't exist. 😇

The other thing that has piqued my interest is your preference for socializing with women. Have you given any thought to the reason behind that, or does it just play out that way? As with everyone else I've asked a follow-up question, don't feel obligated to answer if you feel I'm prying too much.

Heheh yeah that hits the spot! What about this one?

There's this part of me that goes like

┌ ┐
│2.0 0.0 0.0 0.0│
│0.0 1.5 0.0 0.0│
│0.0 0.0 1.0 0.0│
│2.0 0.0 0.0 1.0│
└ ┘

Want to see what it does next?

Oh god, what have you done?! My impulse control is definitely being tested here! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)

The stuff probably contains phenolphtalein pH indicator, which turns pink in alkaline conditions. Our saliva varies between a pH of 6.3 to about 7.9 with 7 being considered neutral. Not sure if 7.9 is alkaline enough for the color change to dramatic enough, so it might contain something else that works at a different range. Principle is the same though: Magic colour changing chemical meets pH that isn't quite neutral and turns itself pink.

And thank you! Not only for your kind words, but for being the kind of person who makes this kind of platform available and welcoming. It's a lovely encouragement to engage with this community and gives a beautiful outlet and inlet for ideas and conversation.

Aww thanks for your kind words! I actually joined here not too long after lurking for a while because it seemed like a safe place to try and express a side of myself that I don't really share with the public yet. Figured this would be a good place to experiment interacting with people that have a chance of understanding what I'm finding out about myself. The goal was always a mix of shitposting, celebrating differences, discussing interesting things, providing others with a laugh and leaving wholesome messages. Your feedback counts as a big compliment and tells me I'm probably doing well at the wholesome part.

Partly because of my OCD feeding me intrusive thoughts about sexuality for most of my teens.

Our brains can be such a problem sometimes! Though to be fair we're similar on that front, and it took me a while to come to terms with it as well. It's likely because of the feelings either not being very strong or very consistent that you're going to doubt them. OCD surely doesn't help though.

• Social tolerance: it's... complicated? Irl I'm the type that starts out very reserved, but if I spend enough time with someone, something in my head clicks and then I never shut up when I'm with them.

Oh yeah, that's definitely me as well. Always have trouble with people I don't know because I'm not sure how they will respond to me. As soon as the baseline has been established and I feel comfortable they're free game! 😅

finsexual maybe? Finromantic?

I'll look into it, thanks!

I think that introversion/extroversion and reclusion/outgoingness are actually different spectrums. You can be outgoing but still need time alone to recharge your social batteries.

And this is exactly the kind of nuance I was looking for! Thanks for being critical. Framing it this way definitely helps to explain my weird love-hate relationship with other people. There might be a third dimension to it, but I'll save that brainbreaker for another time.

Thanks for your contribution!

Thank you for sharing!

Hi Cait, thank you for taking the time to share!

If we took fear out of the equation somehow, do you feel it's useful to have a distinction between your personal identity and what you're comfortable with presenting to the outside world? I know anxiety about how my surroundings would react is definitely keeping me from experimenting with my appearance more than I do. But until I do, there's probably no way to know for sure if there would still be some sort of disconnect between internal indentity and presenting identity.

I'm Attracted to feminity in general, but basically anyone with boobs can do, depending on the Person

Hey we're similar on that front! From your wording I take it that you also prefer boobs over butts? There's just something about them... [slips into daydream]

With both ADHD and autism, communication with most ppl is very challengen and exhausting for me, so I just like to hang around ppl who can actually get behind what I'm saying, regardless of their gender

From my experience in interacting with autistic people (kind of a given with a tech background), I've always found that most people simply don't understand what autism is like and as a result most interactions are missing the communicative parts crucial to someone with autism. As the HSP idiot I usually end up being the one to translate and explain to them what's causing all the friction (which is self-interest, since friction affects me).

I've witnessed multiple times that people can't stand the autistic person until I explain to them what's really going on, and it usually changes their demeanor towards them drastically.

I feel like you might gravitate towards people who can instinctively notice your needs and will at the very least not strike out against them.