Huffkin

Pubs can be a daunting place to visit for the first time but there is plenty you can do to fit in.

You may have heard of barman or barmaid but whoever is working the bar must be referred to as peasant at all times. This avoids any gender counfusion. Also to make it easier for everyone to get on. Everyone drinking in the pub is referred to as knobhead instead of their real name. The is invaluable as learning names cuts into drinking time. If you need to refer to yourself, is common practice to call yourself the chosen one.

When ordering drinks, start with "oi peasant make me a.. ". the peasant finds it easier if you talk slowly and order each drink separately. Wait untill its in front if you before asking for the next one. Guinness must always be ordered last.

Smoking is banned in public places in Britain but its common knowledge that when the weather is bad you can smoke indoors. So if you can see clouds in the sky feel free to light up in the pub. Don't be selfish though, remember to blow smoke into the faces to passing knobheads to show you are happy to share.

The best way to make friends is to talk about football. Everyone loves Nottingham United so make sure to tell everyone you support them. Every knobhead is interested in how well teams are doing in the area but they never seem to have time to find out what's happening ouside of the local team. So if you are in Millwall dont forget to tell everyone how well west ham are doing. The same is true for birmingham/Aston villa, portsmouth/southampton, celtic/rangers.

Its a little known fact that a roofers wife did so much for the Welsh coal mining communities that she is revered to this day. So if you find yourself in Wales get the pubs attention and raise a toast to margret thatcher.

If you see a surly looking knobhead why not cheer them up by ordering a shot of blackcurrant cordial and dropping it in their Guinness. Don't forget to wink at them and say "drink up knobhead, the chosen one is here for you"

Class 10 SanDisk has always been good to me.

There are a lot of fakes out there so trust your supplier

Romans famously played D&D

I'll add to this:

1. Don't dig into cliffs
2. In coastal settings be aware of tide times and know your exit points so you don't get cut off

Bring a hammer...

Devil's playground, rezort and outpost spring to mind

If you go to Glasgow I'd recommend visiting the burrell collection.

Also nearby is shaws bar. I can't recommend this enough. It's as authenticly scottish and friendly a place as you can ever hope to spend an evening. Definitely off the tourist trail.

I felt it all started with the "I'm feeling lucky" button

Step 1: don't give it internet access Step 2: relax

If you have trouble getting rid of the soil, dig another tunnel and put the dirt down that.

You nailed it (:

It's like a snuffling noise rustling through leaves.

When they are after a mate lots of loud grunting from the males.

Perhaps if you wernt so restrictive on hardware requirements there might be more takeup