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I live under the whim of emotionally abusive people and i don't have much access to any resources, including phones. but i will see a psychiatrist in a few weeks for ocd. But that doesn't do much to improve my condition or outlook on life. As time goes on everything is becoming worse, and its acceleratting. It feels like slow never ending torture. Even on drugs i can't find much will or genuine happiness. I am in a dire state and i cannot wait years for my life to get a bit better.

Thankd :). Also yeah i made bash printf the text

:3

Only on the weekend

Thanks mate, also i do actually appreciate the advice. And of course i plan on just meeting people who i relate to and then progressing from friendhsip. Im gonna see a psychiatrist soon for ocd so that should help.

Thanks for the advice, feeling a bit more hopeful now. In hindsight i shouldn't be making huge life decisions like suicide when im manic, sleep deprived, and psychotic but the urge feels so strong and the pain is too much. Idk, i guess having someone who loves me and won't leave me for being mentally ill or trans isn't as unnatainable of a goal as i think it is (hopefully).

Not too many but i like the official podcast :3 edit: if you don't know its a podcast from penguinz0 with some friends (including huggbees) talking about random shit. they have some cool guests

Thanks, and im glad you were able to make it that far in life, it makes me hopeful. But i don't know if i can wait for it to get better. Im either living in agony, melancholy or despair and i feel tired and delirious. It definitely doesn't help that most of the people around me are making it worse. And bipolar and cptsd make me do irrational things and are causng me to be hopeless, i can't even trust myself. I feel like i desperately need someone or something to help or i will die. idk maybe im overthinking this.

Thanks :). Bipolar, psychosis, and loneliness is bad lately, and my family gave me cptsd and im afraid i'll always be stuck with them. I've never been genuinely loved by someone and im afraid that will never happen. And a bunch of bad things keep happening and every time i gain hope i lose it. Im just sad and scared lately. I don't have any options to end my life at the moment so im pretty fucked. If i had a good friend or partner and seperated from my family i think i would be happy enough to try to continue living but i dont think that will ever happen. /vent You don't have to give advice or anything, thanks for listening :)

Thanks very much, i'll remember that :3

:')

Im not doubting that bullying isn't involved (i mean its kinda a stereotype that its always the bullied quiet kids who shoot schools, but it happens) but mental illness symptoms no matter how severe don't really cause you to plot and attempt a school shooting. I mean maybe antisocial personality disorder could cause it but i've never heard of such a case.