Betterment and Praxis

Unfortunately, you basically listed the 2 most effective ways to do this as unavailable: local community and family/ friends.

Has anyone here read about, or practiced, any methods for deescalating, defending against, or getting out of such situations without having to ask the police?

Yes, very much so, but it's not simple stuff you can impart in a forum thread. I've gone through several de-escalation courses while working for a university. Actual de-escalation training is (or at least, should be when done right) very technical, because there is a lot of variability in your methods depending on the situation:

• Does the person appear mentally sound? Mentally ill? Under the influence of a substance?
• Are they responsive to you when you speak to them?
• Are they scared? Angry? Belligerent? Violent? Distraught?
• Are they injured and in need of medical attention? Is anyone else?
• Are they armed? Is anyone else? Are you? (Last one is very important, because you need to avoid getting into a physical confrontation if you are armed, both for their and your safety.)
• Are you trying to direct their attention away from something/ someone else?
• Are you or someone else the direct subject of their attention?
• Are they indicating an intent to self-harm?
• Are you or someone else cornered?
• Are there other people around who can help?

Any of those things (and more that I'm not thinking of off the top of my head) can change how you approach the situation, and the actual methods of de-escalation are very complex on their own.

You can take courses in de-escalation on your own, if your job is presumably not providing it (avoid de-escalation courses paired with, rolled-into, or run by self-defense trainers, imo. Look for ones that specialize in preparing teachers, medical staff, and care and social workers).

If you don't have family or friends around, I highly suggest introducing yourself to some neighbors. People are often shocked how much neighbors want to interact as a community, but most of the time no one ends up taking that first step. Plan a meet-and-greet for your apartment complex, go around and introduce yourself door-to-door , with some cookies, etc.

DO NOT lead with "I'm looking to find a group of people to be a local community intervention and defense group, to avoid having to bring police into situations we can handle ourselves." You'll get the wrong people interested. xD

Lastly, self-defense is important, and you should know how to defend yourself and others. Don't fall for people telling you martial arts are useful for this. BJJ is useful if someone else grapples you, but you want to avoid getting into that situation as much as humanly possible.

Retreat is always safest/best. Ranged defense is second-safest. Hand-to-hand is not at all safe. Take that as you will.

The person who recommended actual de-escalation courses is right and is more knowledgeable on the topic than me and has already answered this thoroughly.

However, I highly recommend looking up "conflict resolution" workshops, specifically for the "mirror, empathize, validate" ideas. It's really worth going through a whole workshop/watching a whole video on this, even though it might seem like it'd be trite on the surface. Similarly, "active listening" is another term one might look up.

And for what it's worth, I have found the "nonviolent communication" philosophy to be helpful on a personal level. I don't fully buy into all of it - for one, at least in its original form it disregards the reality of societal level problems, racism, sexism, institutional hierarchies under capitalism, and disabilities - but even so, I find some of it really compelling. Here's a series of youtube videos about it, by the philosophy's founder: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZnXBnz2kwk&list=PLPNVcESwoWu4lI9C3bhkYIWB8-dphbzJ3. Again, I don't know if there is any research done to support or contradict the various parts of this (if anyone knows, I'd be interested to learn more, either way), but on a personal level I have found it very helpful to consider, especially because it questions some assumptions that are so universal I hadn't previously thought to question them.

I wonder, also, if it might be possible to find resources to learn about how to more accurately assess whether a situation/person is threatening or not in the first place. And of course being aware of your own potential biases is important here.

Also, if you find yourself, say, alone in a waiting room with a creepy seeming person, or on a sidewalk at night with some random other person(s) who is probably totally innocent but is giving you the heebie jeebies for whatever reason - never forget you can fake a phone call. Or really call someone, and talk about whatever. People are less likely to attack someone who is talking on the phone since that adds a witness, though a distant one. And as a bonus, it'll make you seem less threatening to the other people, too, in case they have the same problem.

Traditionally, the number one reason for pistol ownership is for solving this very problem.

This topic specifically is how many of the well known gangs of Chicago and LA were formed, like the Crips originally being formed to eliminate gangs to become a neighborhood watch, or the Latin Kings forming to combat racist acts of violence and depredation, there are a lot of similar instances over the decades (maybe even centuries) but ultimately a legitimized citizens militia or neighborhood watch that can react to circumstances would probably be a good alternative, but we all know what happened when the Black Panthers tried to fill this niche.

Edit: I also left out the Guardian Angels, which still exist as a organization, used to see them all the time growing up in NYC during the 80's, but they have their faillings as an organization as well.

You can look into if there are neighborhood watch organizations in your area. Some are religious, some aren't. You'd probably have to do some digging on how well equipped they are, but some are almost shockingly well equipped to handle certain situations.

A lot of times "neighborhood watch in effect" signs are empty threats or defunct at best but you really never know.

If you live in the northeast US, I do know there is a Jewish one that's free and can help with lots of situations. I forget the name though.

Instead of police we can call a crackhead. /s