Ask Lemmy

You certainly can change your personality. It takes a long time and effort. That being said if you want to change your personality you shouldn't take a 360 turn

Are you aware, that 360 is a full circle? Opposite would be 180.

Yeah, on a more serious note there are effective treatments for personality disorders, most notably DBT.

Also we’re all growing and changing all the time. I was once an awkward and unpleasant prude, these days I’m anything but. The thing about personality growth is it’ll happen whether you want them to or not unless you’re stagnating (also bad).

You just act the way you want to act, and keep doing it until it’s who you are. A Vonnegut quote I love is “we are who we pretend to be.” I pretended to be socially confident and it turned out to not be hard after some practice. I pretended to be cool with stuff that I didn’t like made me irrationally uncomfortable and wouldn’t you know I got comfortable around it. Pretend to be nice and wouldn’t you know it eventually becomes second nature.

And yeah it can go worse. Shut yourself off from new experiences and the outside gets scarier. Spend time with bigots and you may find yourself agreeing with them. Move to Pittsburgh and not only will you risk enjoying their football you may even dump your fries on your sandwich even when you’re in the civilized world.

Choose your actions carefully, you risk letting them determine who you become. It’s a lot easier to justify your behavior than to change your habits and instincts.

It's possible to change your personality. Most people have several. You probably don't act the same way towards your best friend as you do towards your boss or towards a random stranger. Sales people change their personalities to match the person they're trying to sell to.

If you're talking about changing lifestyles and habits, that's absolutely possible too. It just takes a lot of determination and repetition.

It's even possible to turn 360 degrees and walk in a different direction (as long as it's a moon walk)

Yes you can. What helped me was to keep asking myself, "what kind of person do I want to be?"

That internal mantra guided me to make different choices to become a different person, a better one, generally. And it's not even big decisions/choices. It was a lot of little things that I did differently, but consistently.

I'm not saying it's easy. It's a process. I had to keep constant, that question, in my mind. Like others have said, habits are hard to break, so it will take some persistence.

Good luck.

Wouldn't it be 180?

My family hurt my feelings, so I went from class clown to silent observer. I intended to only modify my behavior around them, but it started to spill into other areas of my life. Now I'm a very quiet person.

Semantics. 360 is back to start.

But yes.

I was a social outcast introvert, and people used to assume I'd be some Columbine kid. Now I speak in front of huge crowds in my company, and manage a engineering department.

One of my staff member was in the Olympics. Now they're doing tech work. Another was homeless. Another was a "mom who dropped out of high school". And another used to work at Little Caesars. All of them are engineers doing kick ass work. And you would never know their history.

You are your actions.

I mean, in the late 2000s I was kind of a shitty person. But in like 2014 I realized I was a piece of shit and started to work on myself.

I stopped basing my personality on how many girls I could land and started just focusing on myself and not on relationships. I spent 2 years guiding myself to a much better place, and then in 2016 I met my current fiance.

My belief is yes and no. Like many biological things it's both nurture and nature.

Many people think that the way they act is their "personality", when it seems more accurate that they have feelings/urges/likes/dislikes that manifest in a certain way and don't know any other way to act.

And because they might not have known a "them" where they were able to channel those urges in another direction (because they're young, or never tried, or have never seen an example at home to follow because their family is shitty or out of control) they think that manifestation IS their personality and is completely out of their control. Which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because if you think something can never change you won't even try, and then it CERTAINLY won't change.

Changing how your own urges manifest is within your power. It's not always easy, but it is within your power. (Mental illnesses do make it harder, as mental illness often messes with things like emotional control or executive function, both of which are helpful to have when changing how you react to things. But I have known people with mental illnesses who made an effort to try, and those who did not, and even then there's a difference when it comes to actually "trying", and even with mental illness those who try and learn and grow get further than those who do not...although it does not magically "cure" the illness.)

Basically, it's possible to skill up when it comes to self-awareness, emotional control, and even understanding what is and isn't a threat, and all those things change how various aspects of your personality manifest in the real world.

But, beneath that, there are "the big five" personality traits that seem "real" to the extent that science pursuing investigation into them. Those are:

* Openness to experience (includes aspects such as intellectual curiosity and creative imagination)
* Conscientiousness (organization, productiveness, responsibility)
* Extroversion (sociability, assertiveness; its opposite is Introversion)
* Agreeableness (compassion, respectfulness, trust in others)
* Neuroticism (tendencies toward anxiety and depression)

( https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/big-5-personality-traits )

People who are interested in and have the drive towards self-improvement can gain and practice skills that help them redirect behavior and urges within themselves that they don't like. For example, maybe someone who gets angry really easily starts to recognize when they're feeling like that, and instead of shouting at others and ruining relationships, they go out running and get some exercise. Or, the reverse--someone who never stands up for themselves learns to.

I don't think it'll eradicate some tendency towards certain personality traits--but it can bring them under control so you stop holding yourself back due to it.

I have a friend, and he and I have made opposite journeys when it comes to anger. He's had to learn how to channel it back, tone it down. I've had to learn that my anger is "okay" to express sometimes. We were opposite ends of the spectrum and have each made progress more towards the center. We still default back to what seems our "inborn personality", but we also have a lot of times when we act different ways because we've chosen to and have better control over ourselves. And when you do that all the time? Well, it's a pattern, and it's "you" just as much as anything is.

I'm generally soft-spoken IRL, and quiet, and a loner. But I'm also a writer, and because I wanted to progress in that Craft, I learned to write and "speak" with authority, because a writer who quivers and wrings their hands every other sentence and seems to lack confidence isn't going to be interesting or compelling to read.

This is not a natural talent of mine--but I worked on it. And I worked. And I worked. And I did eventually gain skill in "sounding" confident in myself--to the extent it sometimes causes trouble because people expect one thing when they've read my writing, but get someone who is much quieter and much less talkative in person. Obviously, I have not put the same work into my in-person speech, and have not worked on dispelling my wallflower status there, but having seen how things turned around for me in writing because I kept trying, I imagine I could turn it around in person if I wanted to.

...IF I wanted to.

"Wanting" to change is probably the biggest thing when it comes to self-improvement. If you don't like who you are and want to change it, it's really important to cultivate that desire, because that DESIRE to change is the thing that keeps you going through the hard, frustrating parts of changing and gaining skills in self-understanding and self-control.

Autistics deeply masking entered the chat.

I believe you can! To change honestly is an epic task, you need willpower & foremost the characteristic of self reflection, self observation from the most possible objective perspective (I know, complete objectivity not achievable), and you need a person you can trust to get another point of view imo, but at the end of the day you need only one thing: the honest, straight and truthful will to change. I've seen people turn 180°. That's what life is for imo.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage?wprov=sfla1

It's a slow and difficult process, but yes. There are certain personality disorders that can be provably put into "remission," and if people with conditions that severe can change their personalities, anyone can.

You have to learn how you've been conditioned to think and feel the way you do, and get a lot of self-discipline re: stopping to notice your feelings, figure out why they're arising, think through the consequences of acting on them, and choosing a better way.

I hate to use terms like this since they're so often the territory of conspiracy nutjobs, but you're basically deprogramming yourself. For example, a sensitive person who's been exposed to a lot of bullying might have learned some pretty intense defensive reaction, so you'd have to stop every time you think "what did he mean by that?" and think of why that's your first reaction, then choose to believe the best possible meaning even though your feelings scream at you not to. And you'd maybe keep a journal to remind yourself of all the times you were right to assume the best, since a defensive mind discards the positive and overemphasizes the negative.

This sort of thing is best accomplished with the aid of a mental health professional, but there are workbooks you can get if that's out of cost/feasibility reach for you. You'd need to know your deal to know which ones to focus on.

A long time ago I listened to a podcast episode (Probably Hidden Brain or something) where they discussed how memory affects your personality. People with dementia or some other memory related condition tend to have a different personality than they previously did. Then on another podcast, video or something I picked up another interesting piece of information. People can make new fake memories. Put these two together, and you got a strange method I came up with. If I’m able to come up with this stuff, then obviously smarter people have already done it and are using it on a ragular basis. It’s just that I haven’t heard of anyone doing that yet.

So, here’s the idea. Let’s say you don’t like the way just chill out all day and nothing gets done. You want to change that. Then you start fabricating new memories about how you are really hard working and how you have your life under control. Just imagine a bunch of stories like that about your fabricated past and those stories will gradually become proper memories inside your head. Once that’s done, it’s going to start influencing the way you see your self and how you behave in the future.

If anyone has a name for this, let me know.

Yes you can change personality drastically.

Generally speaking, anything described as a “spiritual practice” will tend to alter people’s personality to the degree they put effort into it.

It’s not normal for personality to change much. People’s personality changes under relatively rare conditions: trauma, enlightenment, extreme conditioning.

Another commenter mentioned psychedelic drugs and those are definitely catalysts for personality change.

The things that have changed my personality the most are:

• abuse
• violence while homeless
• ayahuasca ceremonies
• getting the 10-series from a rolfer

By “personality” here I’m talking about emotional patterns, which become the foundation for all sorts of beliefs, tastes, tendencies, social roles.

By emotional patterns I mean the overall averages of joy, sadness, fear, openness, guilt, etc, both over time and also in their typical daily cycles.

I have gradually turned myself into a more compassionate person by deliberately working on managing my emotions. I’m a lot less angry and far more open minded than me of ten years ago. There’s hope if you really want it.

If you didn't change it willingly, you'll be forced to change it when you have kids. I know for a fact that I'm not the person I was 10 years ago. Not even close.

You can and you do change as you age.

First, you learn new things and you live new experiences. This changes your personality, for better or for worse.

Second, your personality is rooted in your ideals and beliefs, and you can purposefully change those.

Your personality can be described as the way you act and react, and both of those are learned. You may even say programmed. You can change the way you react to some situations, or the way you act in some situations. It takes a bit of practice.

Now that can sound easy, but it requires you to be very open-minded and honest about yourself, because you think with your beliefs already, so changing them may not be that easy. You need to litteraly think differently than you usually do. It's a lot of introspection.

Probably not the safest thing head-wise, but I guess you can achieve this with LSD ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I did it just by myself. I just kept critiquing myself after a negative interaction and trying to figure out why I got angry or frustrated. I still give in to that anger once in a while but I've gotten better.

I learned it's easier for me to forgive when I've had proper sleep, actually. I also look at it from the other person's side and think of what problems that person is going through and excuse them for whatever is frustrating me.

It's easy to think of it like a shitty driver and getting angry at them. Why are they speeding? Could be a bathroom emergency. Could be meeting a loved one at the hospital. I don't know, so I'm not gonna judge.

Stealers? Steelers?

I think you mean 180. 360 would be a full rotation, you'd be going from the dark side to the light side back to the dark side. But yes, it's possible to change someone by overshadowing their bad influences. Good influences, by definition, have more influential potential.

It is certainly possible to adjust some measurable elements of personality. For example, use of psilocybin (magic mushrooms) has been shown to alter measurable personality factors.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6220878/
https://www.google.com/search?q=psilocybin+and+personality

More importantly, though I haven't cared about Football in a decade, you're on my anti-steelers watchlist 😈

But the answer is yes, though you really shouldn't try & hit 360° (or 180° to be more accurate)

Your personality is much more than just how you treat situations, it's what you like & dislike too for example

i would jump at the chance to have electro-shock. the only way into a better life (for me, BPD) would be to change personality altogether. i wouldn't hesitate at all.

Anyone can change, but the first and hardest step is believing you can change.

Yes, totally, its just not instantly, personality change is a slow process