Asklemmy

At the call center I worked at, our Christmas bonus was a dress shirt with the company logo on it.

My wife wears it when she dyes her hair.

People keep giving me steak house gift cards.

I'm a vegetarian. I can only eat a roll there.

I was given 30 quarters that had letters and numbers on each one in a black velvet pouch. If you put them in a certain order, it had a message. The quarters went in year order. The message was a Bible passage according to Matthew. It was when Judas was given 30 silver for betraying Jesus.

The context, I told one of our friends that the gifter was trying to get with his wife while he was deployed. He denied and then made me feel like shit to insinuate such a thing. Turns out, it was true.

I still have the quarters so I could give them back some day.

Someone sent me what they referred to as a self-help DVD that was just some motivational speaker type of person invalidating my issues. A virus in the DVD also temporarily destroyed my friend's DVD player in the process of playing it.

My mother-in-law gave me a booked called The Etiquette Edge which essentially explained how to be polite

I once got a picture of a really cool present from my dad, which he said was in the mail. Never got the present.

My mate’s little sister was sad and bemused one Christmas when their parents bought her a (single) Pom-pom. Why would you not buy a pair?

My Dad once gifted me a bazinga shirt. I don't watch the big bang theory.

My gran once gave me a toilet brush. The base had penguins floating in blue liquid, but it was ultimately just a cheap toilet brush.

I gave her a beautiful marble maze.

I didn’t bother after that.

So I’m a trans guy and as a kid I was very obviously masculine, stereotypical tomboy. One of my aunts that married into the family gave me, maybe around age 5-7, a toy makeup kit. To this day I don’t know wtf she was thinking, because it wasn’t like she never met or saw me. Was it thoughtless or passive aggressive? Who can say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Top three would be my weird Christmas 'bonuses' from a previous employer. In order of weirdness: some fake notes (representing the companies record profits that year), a single bike pedal, and finally a spanner which had been spray painted orange.

Not the gift itself, but the response.

First of all, even before Christmas I said I'd prefer NO GIFTS at all. Regardless, my dad got me some inkjet HP printer. I thanked him for it, but asked him that we'd return it. I tried to be respectful, but regardless, he got mad at me and didn't talk with me for like 2 days.

Later he sent me the money for it and asked me to buy something for it and show him what it was. I do not know why I couldn't just keep it as extra money, but oh well, it had to be spent on something.
I got a refurbished ThinkPad for that. Pretty good device, by far beating value of HP inkjet. I even got it with a 2 year warranty (without extended) like with a new device, while only 1 year is required.

Years ago my father in law gave me a Costco sized flat of Nanaimo bars. Like just wrapped it and that was that. I was so bummed as I thought it was a big coffee table book. I ended up cutting them all in half and freezing them, so we had treats through the year. My husband and I still joke about it. As we passed them in Costco last week he suggested I return the favour.

A box of Mario fruit snacks when I was a kid.

My sister wanted me to be the Godfather to her children. She considered it a "gift."

I'm an atheist. I told her explicitly "Hey, you remember I'm an atheist, right?" Part of this whole Godfather business is making a promise to raise them religiously if their parent dies. I thought I was being considerate and kind by being honest that I did not want to be a Godfather because I could not in good conscience make such a promise.

Nope, I'm the bad guy, not the person who knew I was atheist and decided to not respect that at all anyway by asking me to be a Godfather to begin with.

Mug from Hotspot, probably. It's actually pretty great though.

I've always been a computer/theatre nerd. When I was a teen my parents bought me a bike. I did not express nor have any interest in a bike, but I'm sure my mom felt I needed to go outside more and spend less time on the computer. A week or two later while upset at me about something else she complained that I haven't even used my new bike yet.