Last week was rough. I had to bring a friend to the emergency department because they had stopped all of their psych meds cold turkey, and their psychiatrist had just put them on a benzo about a month ago. They're doing okay now, but they were struggling with walking, talking, eating and drinking on the day I brought them to the ED. If you're on any benzos, please please please never stop them cold turkey, you can quite literally die from doing that. Speak with your physician about a taper plan.

The following day I was supposed to have a rather minor procedure to implant a nerve stimulator in my dorsal scapular nerve. A few months back I had this placed. There were issues with that surgery - it was supposed to take 30 minutes but took 2.5 hours, and ultimately they had to remove it because it got infected. When I came in to get it removed, the charge nurse messed up their first IV placement and put the needle through the median nerve in my hand which still hasn't fully healed. It was a huge hassle to get this surgery scheduled because they recommended that I get the next placement done by the doc who's done the most of this particular procedure.

The surgery was delayed about an hour because there were a bunch of accidents that day and it was already a late appointment where they advised me to stop liquids rather early in the day. Unsurprisingly I was quite dehydrated. The charge nurse here knew what he was doing and set the IV no problem in like 5 seconds flat. Unfortunately, however, they blew the IV nearly as soon as they transferred me to the operating table because they were far too aggressive when tucking that arm for surgery. They spent the next hour failing to place an IV about 7 times including using the vein finder and attempting ultrasound placement. Eventually they managed to get one in near the elbow on the arm they were going to need to tuck for surgery (in my opinion not an ideal placement) which also blew immediately upon repositioning my arm. At that point the surgeon who sounded frustrated asked me if I was okay rescheduling the procedure, and because I didn't want a frustrated and exhausted surgeon operating on me I agreed. I don't have a new date, but we are now 4 months out from the initial surgery and 3 trips to the operating room and I still don't have a nerve stimulator 😩

It's monday

Two consecutive 4-day work weeks for people in BC, Canada. Our Thanksgiving is next week, very much looking forward to it.

I've finally listened to myself and managed to set clear boundaries with my client. Today is my first real actual day off in months. Like wtf.

It feels totally off and it's hard not to be vigilant, as if something could go wrong any moment and needs my immediate attention. When I wake up the first thought in my head is some math problem for my client.

However I'm real proud of the step I took and I know in the long run it's going to be good for me :]

One of my online friends passed away earlier this year, and I just found out about it. One of her friends telegram-ed me about the news. She was a Russian who's outspoken about the war, and also seems to be struggling against depression. I have no idea how she passed, and I can't bear to ask.

Apparently I'm one of the people who communicated with her in the last few months of her life. I'm bad at words, so I try to send funny animal videos, and occasional hug emoji to make people feel better. I hope whatever I did could alleviate some of her sorrows in her final moments.

Starting to feel like I need to leave lemmy. Alt right types are in full swing on basically every instance and I can’t go a day without someone call me a “r——d.” Feels like the worst parts of Reddit some days because community mods are - just like on Reddit - too scared to ban people.

How do I render screaming into a text format without using an obnoxious amount of capital letters?

Things have been somewhat more stable. My anxiety and depression seem to be somewhat under control although there are still the really bad days here and there. I’m slowly getting over severing ties with my best friend of 18 years and am slowly coming to the realisation that maybe it was all for the best. Otherwise, all is the same, gym, work, therapy, some light gaming and reading. Things will be okay.

chuck went in for knee surgery on thursday and came out a tripawd. his injury was much worse than originally thought. he also had diarrhea most of the weekend, but we’re finally out of that stage now. he is resting and seems to be adapting pretty well, all things considered.

last photo of him with four legs.

my other dog is in for a teeth cleaning today and getting at least one pulled today, which means 2/3 dogs here will be drugged up and in recovery of some sort. thankfully dental recovery is usually quite quick and easy.

Bad news: Anxiety's been climbing for no real reason. Stomach knot continuously tightening, even noticing it while lying down, which is new. Tried a cannabis gummy to see if it'd at least unwind the knot. No tolerance to THC at all after about a decade of not using it, so the dose I thought was sensible - one gummy - turned out to be way too much. It was by no means the relaxing experience I was kind of desperate for, but I did devour an entire bag of baby carrots without noticing, so that happened.

Neutral news: Beyond that, pretty okay. Routine's been mostly unchanged.

Good news: In January a massive tree fell during a blizzard and crashed through the roof in the room where I was sleeping, and while we managed to get the tree lifted off the house there's been nothing but tarps covering what remains of the roof ever since then. Because there was so much damage to so many houses as a result of the storm - and the insurance only uses one construction company in the region - we've been on a waiting list to have the collapsed part of our house fixed for six months. They've said they ordered the trusses to fix it as of one week ago, and should be out to get started Oct 16. I am super hyped about this.

I'll be ok

My grandma passed away Monday last week and we had the funeral service yesterday. It was a rough period of limbo but I feel better having gone through the service. Grief fucking sucks but crying is also very cathartic so I somehow feel not bad? Maybe it's nature's numbness.

Aside from that I'm alright and I'm looking forward to seeing some friends and doing fun things.

I have some online friends who have really been irritating me lately because they message me all the time about stuff I don't want to engage with and if I don't respond they'll find me thru other apps and message me there. I have uninstalled a couple apps and am ghosting them for a couple days until I can stop feeling so grouchy about it but unsure of my long term plan.

We had a windstorm midway through the week last week, with knocked about 75% of the apples off of my little apple tree, a few days before they would have been perfectly ripe. So we made apple crumble, and it was absolutely delicious. None of the apples were wormy this year even though we don't spray the tree- just lucky I suppose.

I saw the CPAP specialist, who is apparently a respiratory guy, and he agreed to tighten up the settings on my CPAP so it stops giving me jumpscares in the middle of the night. I can go see him again in a month if that doesn't help. So far it has not, but it's only been four days. I also wrote to the nurse helpline to ask how I should dry my hose, and they not only offered to send me a spare hose for free, they are also sending a full face mask for when I inevitably get a cold. This is of course a completely new experience with ResMed, but they can keep it up!

school [._.]

Things have been back and forth the last few months but it's finally starting to get a little better. This last week I've been working on my server and have made tons of progress which has been really nice. However my VPN gave out and borked the internet. It's been a big setback because I'm not familiar with networking or Linux and so it's been very difficult and frustrating. My provider has good support so I'm hoping they get back to me tomorrow, but man.

I'm finally getting to work events again soon as well which will be nice. It's been actual years since I've gotten to work in events in extended capacities so I'm glad. My jobs since I've moved have both not been in my field and not good so I'm glad to be back in events.

I think it's going well. I'm working on a pretty cool Excel spreadsheet at work (imagine an Excel file that will bridge the gap between hand written organisation of the warehouse and using a dedicated database/software).

And at home, we're planning to go to a horror convention this Saturday. Gf will be going as demoness while I'll be an imp.

I haven't been sleeping well at all. Keep waking up at around 4, unable to fall back asleep again. Because of this there are times where become very nasty and hateful for no reason at all, and I really hate it. It's not who I usually am, and not who I want to be.
I guess I just have a lot on my mind and it's just not possible to shut down the endless grinding of these thoughts going through my head.
Taking a sick day today to catch up on my sleep and rest, hopefully things will look a little brighter tomorrow.

Trying not to feel overwhelmed by everything I need to get done, but that's every week. Otherwise, can't complain!

Pretty chill, not been doing much so far. Need to attend to my weed grow a bit and train the new plant but that's about it.

I'm okay. I'm mostly settled in my new place. Landlord and Comcast are both here fixing a few issues and getting internet installed. I got a nice used dining set, but beyond that I'm somewhat lacking in furniture right now.

Going okay~ My responsibilities at work keep increasing, but at the same time I'm able to influence more.

I'm planning on converting more of my home office space to double as dance practice space. Wanna learn more Charleston & Lindy hop

My weeks are pretty routine (and I like schedules and routines). Wake up, organise household stuff, gym, do study related stuff, Dutch study stuff, do more household related stuff, wind down for the day, sleep. All in all, I can’t complain.

Hello everyone,

Getting more and more frustrated over this tuition thing. I don't wanna do it if these kids become the cause of my stress. Also, been on a consumption kick. I have been so focused on consuming content and not paying attention to my friends that I feel horrible inside.

Started Interview with the Vampire and Patriot Games tho!

Not had a great week, not been very well. I've had what feels like a chest/throat infection and it's made me knackered. Had hardly any appetite and haven't felt like going to choir was a good idea (don't want to infect anyone) so have had barely any good things to get me through it.

I don't really get sick but when I do it hits me like a truck. Slowly getting better but I'm very impatient.

I decided to migrate away from gmail entirely (finally). Turns out it takes a while to migrate 19 years worth of emails. Now I need to update all the online accounts I care about. I thought this process was going to be a headache, but it's way more of a headache than I anticipated. Just going to spend a few hours a day on it until it's fully done.

Doing Okay. I've gotten through my hyperfocus on leveling a new-to-me class in Final Fantasy XIV, so I am able to pull my brain back to writing more. I want to get two more chapters up on my Patreon before my next public chapter is released on Thursday.

Lots of situational reasons to be sad and depressed. I am learning a bit more about myself and have been making it into work alright so that is good. Living is so exhausting