I'm a woman and paid to change my surname because it was difficult for everyone to pronounce. I can only hope my future husband will want to take my name rather than the other way around. I paid for it, it's kinda VIP now.
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Asking with curiosity and respect, for those in the "keeping my name" camp -
You were given your name by your parents, and most often the surname is the father's surname.
Most of you adopt nicknames or pet names which change over time (what your family calls you vs your friends vs your colleagues)
Why is it a really big deal to you? Is it being asked / expected to change your name by a societal norm / being told what to do? Or the effort involved in changing it?
Source - male, changed my surname when I moved internationally, married, and wife's family expected her to change her name to mine because we were starting a new family and that would be the family name.
I didn't give a shit because my surname isn't my family name, it's one of my middle names, so it seemed arbitrary, and said so to both her and them.
Wife decided she would change her name and our kid has that name too. It was an absolute pain in the ass to do for her because she's lived here for much longer than me so had more things to change, so I understand not wanting to deal with that. But years down the track - everyone seems happy - reading through these comments tho many of you view this as wrong??
I'm in a similar boat of my name not being a big deal to me (also male). However, if a name is arbitrary, why should you change it? If it doesn't matter whether it's your original name or the name of your spouse, why on earth go to the trouble of changing it in the first place? "That's how we've always done it" has never really held much water for me as an argument. If it's of merit, it should stand up to scrutiny without the appeal to tradition.
However, to many people, names aren't arbitrary. From a historical point of view, marriage used to be considered a transaction of property, and a woman's last name had the connotation of ownership. Were I a woman, I would find that quite abhorrent, and even though that connotation has diminished I still don't think I could stomach it.
For some specific cases, names hold recognition. I'm a singer and have friends & mentors for whom performing is their full time job. To change your last name after building name recognition can do serious harm to your fame, and thus income. So most of them in that situation will retain their maiden name for job security more than anything.
gonna take a while... he looks like he hasn't gotten around to evolve into the homo habilis yet.
I demanded (not really) that my wife keep her last name. We have the same first name although spelled slightly different
When someone you like, also dislikes someone you dislike.
I think you would have to physically fight my wife to make her relearn her signature with a new name.
My wife's first name and my last name would sound really awkward together, which is the main reason why she kept hers and why it never bothered me that she did.
It is annoying to have to explain to people at places like hospitals that we're married even though we have different last names.
I haven’t run into that yet
We don’t have kids and don’t plan to, I imagine with kids this becomes much more of an issue
Yeah, that is definitely another time when it's been a pain. Picking up a kid from daycare or school.
My daughter shares my last name, so when my wife came to pick her up, I sometimes got a phone call. Even if we filled out a form putting both of our names on it.
My wife kept her name (both of our names are important to us, and neither of us care about tradition). So far no real issues, just people who know one of us assuming the other shares a last name. Unless it's someone we're going to interact with a lot or we're filling out paperwork, we don't bother correcting them.
We are trying to have a kid, and if we succeed we'll give them her last name. So... I'm super looking forward to being a man picking up a kid with a different last name and all the assumptions I'm probably going to have to face. I'm just hoping by the time that happens this will be a normal enough occurrence that it won't be a big deal.
Isn't it scary to see the count difference between Matt's tweet vs Jeffrey's reply ? Thanos snap isn't going to cut it...
Screenshot was probably taken shortly after the reply was posted.
I enjoy the couples who both change their last names, usually a mashup of the two previous names. That's the ticket.
Are there even many other countries besides the US that do this? aAways found it the weirdest thing.
I believe most countries in Central Europe do it. But it’s also possible to take the wife‘s name of course
They do it in other English-speaking countries for sure.
I know Romania does this