this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] [email protected] 115 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You may find you struggle with step 1.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I've been trying to do step one for years. But my bastard relatives refuse to die, and also refuse to be rich. Selfish I call it.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Zoos tend to struggle with Step 7 and they have far better conditions than a beat up converted freighter

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[–] [email protected] 86 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Antarctica is generally colder than the Arctic. They would almost certainly be stuck along the coastlines of Antarctica like the penguins are, since the interior average temperatures rival the coldest ones ever recorded in the Arctic. They should be fine there, but then that means they have a very limited distribution and that penguins and seals consequently are always forced to share an environment with the polar bears. Because they're not used to the polar bears, their populations would likely be destroyed, leaving the polar bears to starve. Unlike in the Arctic, too, they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out. Outward is hundreds of kilometers of ocean, and inward is hundreds of kilometers of unsurvivable desert.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (3 children)

they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out.

Um. Hello? There are scientists there.


Which means scientific papers, then tourists, then garbage and a symbiotic relationship, then the eventual domestication of polar bears.
Not, you know, the international scientific community treating scientists like cats.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

"Return Eenie or we feed another physicist to the bears. We know you fuckers took him."

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[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Etymologists crying and shaking right now at the thought of Antarctica (meaning: without bears) gaining the one animal it's not supposed to have

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago

I read that as entomologist for a second and was really confused

Figured it had something to do with fleas

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This comment sent me down a rabbit hole. I had no idea the arctic is called that because it was the Greek for 'of the bear' because they used Ursa Major to guide them north. And the the arctic is the most northerly point.

Fucking wild. Mind blown.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Wdf how are we just learning this?! Can’t they teach it with the continent names??

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[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I'd say that if all you want to do is scare the shit out of some scientists in Antarctica you probably only need 1 polar bear

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Nah let's really confuse them. A lion.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

nah, it'd freeze to death too fast

Antarctica compatible fursuit of a lion

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Spray-paint a polar bear orange and stick a mane on it. Confusing and scary.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

4 million buy a freight boat

I work in supply chain but not a complete expert but the smallest cheapest working order freight ship I can find for sale is this one for $6MM, doesn't include licensing, crew, insurance and the dreyage/accessorial on live polar bears is gonna cost you big

https://petronav.net/container-ships-for-sale/container-adilia-i-ex-e-r-auckland

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Does it really need to be a big container ship?

Didn't people transport stuff in smaller boats back in the day?

(You still make a valid point though)

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Idk, polar bears are really heavy, and it takes a long time to get from one end of the planet to the other, so you want something secure to store the bears in. That means a bigger ship that can handle angry bears hurling themselves at the walls of their cage, because they will wake up during the journey, and they won't be happy.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Just do it while they're hibernating 4head

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

For some reason, just imagining this is fucking hilarious. OOP on a shipping container being mutinied by dozens of feral pissed of polar bears

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

they did specify freight! although getting The Cutty Sark back in working order is probably even more costly.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I've recently learned that bears absolutely love cocaine. I'm sure that's relevant here somehow.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Thats why polar bears have white coats

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I thought they had white coats because they take their methamphetamine production lab very seriously.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Pretty sure they are just rolling around in cocaine all day, hence why they are the most feared of the bears. Constantly off their head

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I think the penguins would learn to just swim away, and the bears would starve since they would need to expend a lot of effort for a small bird versus the calorie-dense seals they're used to.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (4 children)

To be fair, some penguins aren't exactly small

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That is a king penguin, not even the tallest subspecies (emperors are taller), but what you're looking at is an optical illusion because the penguin is much closer to the camera than the humans.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (3 children)

plenty of polar bears eat salmon

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Would work until the penguin pop. is too small and then they start dying out again

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So then part of the program needs to be penguin Viagra to keep the numbers up

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Crude dark matter oil should do the job.

Penguin spanish fly.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Listen to this. How about we get a big boat, put the surviving penguins inside and ship them to the Artic!

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

This reminds me of a friend that once proposed that if we really wanted to mess with Europe we could release a few packs of coyotes

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Then you have a penguin population crisis

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Tbf we already have that due to glacier melt

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (4 children)

would have to be quite a few bears to avoid heavy inbreeding

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No, you must keep the bloodline pure.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I was really hoping OP wanted to drop the polar bears on a tropical island. For science.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

only if you can find some weird magnetic anomaly and plane crash survivors

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It depends on the goal. For example it'd work if you want to render every penguin species endangered or worse.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Neal Stephenson book, Termination Shock.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Sounds reasonable.

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