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I don't care what you do in the privacy of your bedroom, I just think it's disgusting to be religious in front of children.

your first mistake is being around evangelical christians

Upon meeting their spouse: which of you is the butch?

That's cute honey, but I think you're just confused right now. You'll grow out of it.

Last one unironically considering how often they insist on robbing the cradle to satisfy their culturally ingrained breeding fetish as much as possible.

Ya ever wonder why evangelical women are so much meaner than their male counterparts sometimes? It's because they're venting over having to play perfect all the time or get ditched for the latest baby voiced breeding bitch.

"Come to church on Sunday"

"Come to the gay bar on Saturday"

"I just don't trust you around my children"

The secular hall shouldn't be forced to host your "wedding" reception

You waste so much time at that book club. You could be doing something productive.

This is already unironically what they already hear when someone disagrees with them.

I mean you could legitimately make the argument that there's no reason for the government to recognize their marriage. There's no reason for them to be recognizing Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, or Sikh marriages either. A truly neutral government would recognize partnership contracts at best. Really the government should be getting out of their marriage. instead they've got the whole Rules for thee not for me thing going on.