Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs
Props to this person for never washing their mouth off their friend's blood. I'm sure they had the chance to do it, but chose to walk all over the hospital with their mouth covered in blood so that the nurse could see it, otherwise the joke wouldn't have landed.
You ever try to get blood out in a hurry?
I mean, obviously this is the internet and nothing is real, but it's not impossible that they still had some blood on them in the frenzy to get to the hospital.
I don't know how hospitals work in the US (assuming that OP is a US citizen, because that's what we do on the internet), but where I come from, determining the cause of an injury is very important to decide on an effective treatment. Bites in particular are very nasty and can lead to a lot of scary complications (including human bites!).
There's no way in hell the nurse just said "yeah ok got it fam" and went along with her day like it wasn't important.
And maybe I'm too jaded, but I read "we also got engaged" and my mind automatically added "and everyone clapped" at the end of the sentence lol
There’s no way in hell the nurse just said “yeah ok got it fam” and went along with her day like it wasn’t important.
I suspect that, if true, it was clarified further down the line before treatment. Or, considering how I've been in-and-out of the ER, the nurse just wrote down 'human bite' regardless of what the patient claimed lmao.
Like I said. It's the internet. I'm not saying it's definitely real. But it's far from impossible.
She would chart the cause as accurately as she can; whether she also writes down the obvious lie is up to her. Which means she would write down "human bite"; not because it's best for the patient, not because of liability, but because every other staff member (nurses and doctors included) would laugh at her if she didn't. Nurses got a pecking order, and writing down obvious nonsense in a patient's chart is a good way to drop ranks.
As someone that has worked in healthcare and knows what ER staff see every day:
Lol, bet?
I mean, there is plenty of time to lick lips on the way to the hospital.
Once when my sister and I were teenagers, she was hogging the computer and so I just picked up the chair with her in it to move her out of my way. As I walked past, her friend (whom I hadn't touched) used her bite to make an attack of opportunity against me. It wasn't gentle - there was no blood but there were tooth-marks.
I had mixed feelings afterwards. On the one hand, it hurt. On the other hand, a girl touched me. With her mouth. I had never been kissed at that point but being bitten was close...
(I didn't end up marrying her.)
Also a d6 bite is nonsense. The average commoner has 4 hp and 10 strength, so one commoner would be able to kill another commoner with a single bite 50% of the time. I'm not saying a human bite can't be lethal, but it's not "stabbed with a shortsword" lethal. Meanwhile, even a d4 bite from a level 1, 16-str barbarian is already invariably lethal to a commoner.
(Yeah, I know, HP isn't supposed to be realistic, etc. I just hate fun.)
Given the nastiness of the human mouth, "fight bite" (hand cuts from accidentally punching teeth) is often treated with antibiotics. On that basis I'd stick with at most 1d2 damage, plus lingering status effects to the hand unless you have disease curing abilities or medicaments. Maybe the damage sticks unless specially treated, and untreated you can lose the hand to infection?
Yeah, but that would be treated like poison damage at a later time with a savings throw.
I mean, if you're going to attempt to kill with a bite, I'd assume they're going for the neck or other particularly vulnerable place. I'd argue commoner bite attacks should have very low chance to hit, but could plausibly be lethal. Most places they get a good bite won't be able to do any damage, except maybe cause a Con save for disease.... I'd say an improvised attack with Disadvantage for 1d6 damage probably works pretty well.
LOL, that's amazing.
Also, d4 is the damage of a dagger, which is a weapon made specifically to kill people and has a ~25% chance of killing a commoner (who typically has 4 hp) in one hit with just the rolled damage.
Exactly. I mean it's a cute story but I 100% still thinks that is 1d4 damage lol
Not even 1d4. It's just 1 + STR, which is standard for an unarmed strike.
I'm not looking to get married, but keep in mind it's a Barbarian bite. So the biter's half-feral and accustomed to gnawing on raw meat.
thats why the d4 has +strength modifier though
But imagine a barbarian bit a DM, and then some guy who hit the gym a lot and could lift as much as the barbarian bit an identical DM. I maintain that the barbarian would do more damage, due to a lifetime of e.g. breaking bones with their mouth, gnawing the bark off a tree, etc.
but why would a barbarian do all those things? the barbarian class is just a strong and tough guy who gets angry, not an actual barbarian that eats bark and stuff like that
i mean they can be but they can also be simple people who are strong and get angry easily (without doing what people would call barbarities)
hmmm you may have a point. I guess I was thinking of barbarian in terms of:
People of towns and cities take pride in their settled ways, as if denying one’s connection to nature were a mark of superiority. To a barbarian, though, a settled life is no virtue, but a sign of weakness. The strong embrace nature—valuing keen instincts, primal physicality, and ferocious rage. Barbarians are uncomfortable when hedged in by walls and crowds. They thrive in the wilds of their homelands: the tundra, jungle, or grasslands where their tribes live and hunt.
https://www.dndbeyond.com/classes/9-barbarian
In the context of embracing nature and thriving in the wilds, it seems like a barbarian would have more cause to use their teeth.
I'd give it a flat 1HP, if that. Unless you get me in the neck, I doubt any human bite would take 25% of this commoners HP.
Thing is, if you're trying to bite someone to death the neck is the most natural target (vs. bending down to take a chunk out of their stomach or trying to open the veins in the arms). The difficulty is more in actually getting in range, which realistically would get down to grappling in a fight.
You have to stab him with a dagger too and see which is worse.
And then everyone clapped.
i know people on the Internet have seemingly impossibly boring lives where nothing ever happens to them - but this isn't even that hard to believe
That when they arrived in the Hospital Like half an hour later they still had blood in their mouth that they didnt wash out, wipe away or anything?
"yeah let me thoroughly clean myself off before rushing this man to the hospital"
How do you know how far they live from a hospital?
It just seems like a bit much to be believable to me.
It makes me think of a story that they wanted to tell, but they realized it was maybe kind of boring, so they added fun details for the sake of it.
I'm sure elements of it are true, like I'd be willing to bet the whole thing about the damage going from a d4 to d6 was just a conversation.
It's a cute story for sure, but for me, it's a touch beyond the suspension of disbelief.
But hey, if I'm wrong, I wish them many happy returns.
I'm loving the comments.
Half of them are discussing the game mechanics and damage of the bite.
The other half are sharing the feelings of affection that apparently came from being bitten.
That's just kinky with extra steps
Pretty sure that's what the nurse assumed.
I'm not confident the nurse was wrong!
yeah okay that happens
You don't leave the blood from your bite victims smeared across your mouth when you take them to the emergency room?
OP got blood-bonded lmao
His DM: "I don't believe you. Bite me. HARD. 😈"
Of all the happenings, this is certainly the mostiust definitius.
Transcription:
Anônimo disse
I actually did bite my dm with explicit consent. because I was trying to argue that a ranger/barbarian's bite would be d6+Strength Modifier. and not d4+Strength Modifier. and he was like lmao human bites aren't even that strong. and I said bet. and he said well bite me then as strong as an 18 attack roll would be (the prison guard had 14AC btw) and we had to stop the game because he had to go get stitches.
also he didn't wanna say he let himself get bit to win an argument that he lost so badly he's in the emergency room, so he was like "a rat did it" and the nurse turns her head 12 degrees to the left and sees my bloody mouth. and goes "yeah okay that happens"
and we did get the barbarian bite attack to be d6+Strength Modifier. I'm also now engaged to this guy and this campaign I get to be the dm!
probablybadrpgideas Absolute rollercoaster, but congrats on the engagement - Paper