Because you need regular, low-intensity interaction. Desensitize yourself purposefully to being around people and this will cease to be a problem.
this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2024
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me_irl
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ok but how?
Have you met alcohol?
Alcohol is not a solution it’s a crutch, you’re not going to get better at social interaction by getting drunk. Yes it helps take the edge of but that edge will never stay full and when you go without alcohol you’re starting from scratch because all those other times you weren’t training your muscles but instead leaning on a crutch.
What you suggest is a gateway to dependency
Or do the opposite, immersion therapy.
Pour superglue over yourself and glomp the next person you see. After two weeks, you'll be used to being around other people
no fuck that. kidnap some random strangers and human centipede yourself. be the middle spoon.
Does anybody have a real answer?
Here's another answer!
a) we want to be social
It's in our nature to want to be around other people. It helps us feel safe, create a sense of belonging, is amusing, and provides us with rich experiences that are hard or not possible to achieve on our own. Lots of simple reasons why people want to hang out.
b) but we have an ego
But everyone is walking about with a very intimate/personal concept of self that instructs them how to behave, how to feel, how to respond. Our feelings and thoughts in each moment are shaped by our sense of identity. Our identity isn't actually a fixed, immutable thing. It is constantly shifting, working to conform or be different or just prevent itself from collapsing entirely. The self responds to the environment the same way out bodies do.
c) being social
So we're home alone and wanting some company because we're feeling lonely, but then we arrange ourselves to spend time with others and suddenly our self is on high alert because it's being observed by others. Am I being genuine? Do people like me? Am I talking enough, or too much? Do I look ok? Did I wear the right clothes? Can I share this opinion? What should I say about that? Every conscious thought and unconscious pattern is at play, pulling and poking your sense of self and it can be disorientating and scary.
You're a social primate with social anxiety?
but i'm not anxious, just irritated
What's the difference? I'm really asking.
Anxiety is stressing about interactions and how they'll go. Worrying that you'll upset someone or say something wrong, or just even not knowing what to say next in a conversation. Thinking that people will make fun of you or hate you for who you are. Potentially even avoiding such interactions to "prevent" these manufactured possibilities.
Irritation is more like "Holy shit this dude has been rambling about inane bullshit I don't care about for the last 30 minutes and isn't getting the hints I want him to stop and go away. Please just shut the fuck up already so I can go back to focusing on what I was doing"
Well, I even manage to feel lonely while I am with others
Man, I miss rif
It no longer working is basically the entire reason I'm here now. I paid $2 for "rif golden platinum" while sitting in an A&W back in 2013 and absolutely got my money's worth from that purchase. The mobile Reddit experience is such utter misery in comparison it baffles me that anyone uses it at all.
Sounds like you're around the wrong people??
You can't always choose. Even when they do have a choice people can still get anxious around friends.