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advice for getting over a crush? (lemm.ee)

submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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followup to an old post of mine: https://lemm.ee/post/26206497

even though we both graduated, turns out i will be seeing him pretty often again. he’s going to the same church as i do (if i could, i wouldn’t go to church but idk how my parents would react to me telling them im not christian anymore, so i’ll just wait till i move out). so i’ll be seeing him every sunday and wednesday. he’s homophobic so i know i have no chance with him. i want to get over him but this will make it much harder. not to mention that i can definitely tell he’s been working out more and he’s got a really nice tan now… what can i do?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Replace him with a suitable substitute on some dating platform. If you're in a major city, that shouldn't be difficult. If you're out in the sticks like I am, alcohol may be your only friend. Maybe get a job or attend a college in a place where gays can be gay.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

i’d certainly like to go to a college where gays can be gay, but i live in oklahoma… i doubt there’s anything like that here. i also live in the country so online dating wouldn’t work

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

University of Oklahoma has an organization and there are probably more at other colleges in the state. I can attest to the difficulties of online dating. There may also be LGBTQ resources in your town or nearby, like a social gathering at a community center or something.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The friend that spooned you and was slightly physical and affectionate is homophobic? I was not expecting that..

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

i haven’t actually asked him yet, but one of his friends said he was. i also don’t wanna make things awkward between us. at the same time though… i’m also curious what would happen if i did ask him. i’m not 100% sure he’s actually straight

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Oh man.. When our crush gets even hotter.. Ya, that is though. I know the feeling bro :((

Look into meditation. Learn to meditate properly, there are good books on that. Learn to acknowledge that things are impermanente and unsatisfactory. Try different ways of viewing experience and see which one decreases suffering. When you are feeling badly because of him, look into your thoughts and notice how they dissappear. Does that help? If not, try to widen your experience. Use your sensory doors, hearing, sight, taste, contact. Listen to the sounds and notice what you notice. Same for sight, etc. (Sorry for the rambling, I am into meditation, if that's not obvious)

Other than that, just keep busy. Find a hobby. Be with your other friends. Make new friends. Join a gym, etc..