this post was submitted on 20 May 2024
277 points (98.3% liked)

A Boring Dystopia

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[–] [email protected] 95 points 5 months ago (1 children)

microplastics are stored in the balls

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Along with the pee? Damn my balls are pulling some double duty

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

That’s why there are two.

[–] [email protected] 77 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Answering the real question: "The scientists tested 23 human testes, as well as 47 testes from pet dogs. They found microplastic pollution in every sample." Saved you a click.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Why were there an odd number of testes tested? In general, the come in pairs.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If they steal both, someone would notice. Steal one and replace it with a neuticle, and no one's the wiser.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Honestly, I wasn't watching when I had my vasectomy. I might be a statistic.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

They messed up some of the samples and didn't include them in the data

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Oh God... Were the samples... the testes? Were they just thrown out like old leftovers?

[–] [email protected] 55 points 5 months ago (2 children)

MFW humans aren't even biodegradable any more.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I never really considered a tattoo, but perhaps something like this would be fitting:

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago

A lot of tattoo inks can contain plastics and metals which enter the body through the skin. So it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

But it's nice to know that long after I'm gone, my balls will be hanging on.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

To carry on

They'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone, believe me

Your testicles will carry on

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

P~~ee~~lastic is stored in the balls.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Is that why they're getting bigger??

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago

The next song is called... Shooting microplastics from my cock

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Are those that ejaculate multiple times a day safe? Asking for a friend.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

I'm surprised how few comments there are making this joke

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

When I die, throw me in the recycle.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

But you can’t recycle plastic…

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

Now you can start calling your orgies “the plastic ball pit”

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

Can't even eat balls anymore, smh.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Luckily my testicles weren't studied, so I must be safe. Right?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

If you don't look, ~~you won't see it~~, it's not there. Right?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Huh, I didn't even notice when I got tested

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

They don’t call me Ping Pong Balls for nothing.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Reminds me of Charles Moore talking about Bisphenol-A and males in Garbage Island.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago