AskBeehaw

Warrior******

You could say MtF but I am not comfortable with that label. I prefer AMAB. Because I was always a woman but assigned male at birth.

A general way to remember this is that a trans woman is a woman, so she's going to call herself a woman. She wouldn't call herself a man and also be transitioning at the same time.

Like generally when we're referring to ourselves we don't do it in a self-invalidating way on purpose.

It means she's transitioning femmewards. She wouldn't call herself something she hates being, now, would she?

Yes. Clothing, makeup and hair and so on make a huge difference in how people perceive me. I just wear it because I like it, but it has an impact.

However, what matters most is how I feel and how I express that. When I show weakness some people will immediately exploit that to deal with their own frustrations. Likewise, when I feel fine, people love to tune in on that and I have zero issues socially.

So it really comes down to mental health, and I'm self aware of how I'm presenting.

People keep surprising me. You can have a conservative hardliner who treats you with respect like a human and on the other hand someone who you thought would be totally excited about it but turns out to not understand it, leading to issues.

I'm currently not in contact with my family. It was just too painful and I have to think of my own mental health. Things have been a lot easier since I disconnected from them. It makes me feel like I failed them as a daughter. But it's outside my power and I focus on my new life.

And as you say, it feels like some people just see their idea of you. I don't think that that's what love is. I think when you love someone you will pay attention and listen, and it's not always what you want to hear.

You're welcome.

The most unexpected part must be the freedom I've found.

I started because I felt sad that I'd never be able to go to the store as myself. That my entire life would be online or alone out hiking. So you see I was just trying to alleviate the sadness.

And I think that's what a lot of people see when they see me. This suffering. But actually transitioning is a great thing. Suddenly you have all this freedom and a sense of relief.

Finding friends and love has become easier too.

I've lived in many places in Europe and currently am in a small city in the Netherlands. I've also lived in a village in the Bible belt here.

I am not afraid of confrontations, and so far I've been able to handle them. But this is only with a specific kind of frustrated person. Most people are kind.

About half are supportive, and people even keep up to me in public to tell me about their support.

The other half is kind but will misgender me and deadname me if they know it. I've stopped caring and just don't become friends with them. Of course it always has an impact and it can create a lot of pain.

Edit:

I'd like to add that emotional safety plays a role.

That's why I can't spend time with some people. If for someone for example uses the wrong pronoun, then that is effectively invalidating me entirely. And it happens a lot, including in medical circles. I've been infantalized plenty of times. And I know that all women are deeply familiar with such experiences. But the solution is that I have to keep distance from such people.

Well it's kinda cute when someone is being overly positive and supportive. For them it is something special and for me it's just getting eggs at the store.