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How's your week been? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It was a somewhat stressful week. Second busiest week of the year church-wise and I'm exhausted from that. Been trying to juggle a bunch of different stuff.

Had Easter dinner with my mom, grandparents, and one other person. Didn't wanna be there because I was tired and hate having to sit still for so long. Got misgendered and dead named all the while which made me feel worse. For my grandparents I don't bother because they're very old and it's hard to change at that age, but my mom knows better and I've told her so many times and she still does this shit. She's also been saying weird TERFy shit lately. I hate getting misgendered, especially by someone who knows better. It hurts like hell. I put so much effort into passing and it's like no matter how hard I try she won't try. She always claims she's a supportive parent and she's done so much for me but the thing I need most from her right now she acts like she's incapable of doing it. I hate how she acts like she's some woke liberal ally around other liberals, and then comes home and won't even acknowledge me as her son. She's outed me to different people so many times that I can't even keep count anymore.

But the weather's been nice and I've been out taking lots of pictures of the flowers and scenery. My aunt's paying me to take care of her dogs while she's away, so once she comes back I'm gonna use the money to buy a bass guitar and start learning 👀

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I picked up the bass guitar last year, this really helped me learn how to play: https://www.bassbuzz.com/

I'm sorry to hear about your mom, that is frustrating. I don't know what your relationship is like with her, but it sounds like some basic boundary setting might be needed. She shouldn't be outing you or misgendering you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Thanks a bunch for that link. Looks like a good resource. I was having trouble finding some. I'm very excited to start!

Yeah, frustrating is a good way to describe it. She crosses boundaries that I set all the time. I love her, but it really hurts me. Luckily, I'm moving out in September so it won't be as constant of a problem.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Yes! It's a lot of fun to play. I think I learned about BassBuzz from searching for videos on youtube to help me learn. His videos were pretty decent, and there seemed to be community consensus that his course was useful and effective. I'm more than 3/4 of the way through the course now and in retrospect I'm extremely glad I tried it (I was quite averse to spending money on it, but when compared to paying for a tutor or lessons it seems like a rational choice). The course is basically just a series of videos. Each lesson has usually a video teaching a new song, then there are three practice sessions where you start off with a slow and easy tempo and gradually work up to full tempo. The lessons also incorporate music education but the bar is kept really low so that you could always move forward in the course without learning the music theory or how to read sheet music, etc.

I think a common experience with the course is that it is so well laid out that it can be deceptively easy, then it's almost a surprise when you hit a song and it takes a lot more practice to be able to play at full tempo. I would just say don't worry how long it takes, and to be easy on yourself. I have noticed that when practicing a difficult new song no matter how much I try I might not get it on that first day, but literally just sleeping the next morning I'm able to play the song. Sometimes it just takes a bit for the brain and muscle memory to sink in, so patience as well as diligence is importance. It's also super rewarding when you are finally able to play that difficult song that took so much practice to learn. 😁

Bass aside, cheers on moving out - it can be risky to really press boundaries with parents while you still depend on them or live under their roof. Having independence is a good first step to repairing relationships. I wish you luck, but it sounds like you're well on your way.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I went shopping with my mom, and someone asked "You ladies need help with anything?" 🥰️

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Things like that keep happening to me recently which is really strange since I wasn't doing anything at all to look feminine any of the times. Maybe everyone is suddenly telepathic

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Kaity had more surgery on her shoulder, but is out and about and recovering. That was probably the biggest issue of the week

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

I didn't realize y'all were together. Hope she has a smooth recovery.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

My week was emotional but good! I finally came out to my brother as trans. I was so scared for his reaction.

I prepared a letter, I read it out loud to him half crying and I noticed he had watery eyes too. When I finished reading he hugged me 🥰 and said he just want me to be happy and I felt soooo relieved. Afterwards I received a very thoughtful and supportive message from his gf, who I told him could tell too later. This helps me so much with accepting myself for who I am.

I also baked a cheese cake and some french pastries for an Easter brunch at my mom’s. The brunch was great!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

That's so sweet. I'm glad your coming out went well.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

awww, that's so heart-warming <3

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

Gosh I've had way too much time to think this week, just turned myself in to an anxious mess. I don't really have any friends and I desperately need to fix that but I don't know how to start or even how to be a good friend after so much self-isolating. How do people do it?

I also need to start practising with makeup and skincare, even if its just simple things like eyeliner and moisturizers but I keep getting insecure and procrastinating! And I need to stop whining about my problems instead of doing something about it! 😂

Edit: Oh, and I just found out the service I use to get my HRT (GenderGP) removed the ability to contact them and "improved" their system with an £8/15min appointment booking, that's so much better! /s

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Maybe you could make a post asking for friends on here

Edit: stroke

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

I saw a video from F1nnster on that GenderGP situation last night, kinda fucked up

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Yay, thank you to Emily for getting this automated

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Hehe no worries

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

Best week ever, yet it was uneventful. I love myself 🥰

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Pretty good actually! While I was alone I tried on some makeup for the first time! Not too much as it was just a bit of lipstick but after putting it on I felt so happy I almost cried! I wish I could’ve kept it on longer but I was afraid of being caught with it on so I washed it off after admiring it for a little while. Beyond that I finally decided to make an account after lurking for a while and I’m really happy about getting to join this marvelous community! 😊

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Welcome welcome! 🥳️

I've been on HRT for over a year, and I haven't experimented with makeup yet, except for my brows. Well I recently got some stuff and am going to try it out in a little while.

I've been boy-moding until now, but my breast growth is enough to make boy-moding difficult now. So I need to learn my makeup style to complete my fem look.

Hopefully all goes well for both of us! 🥰️

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I hope so as well! I’m not on HRT quite yet (though I do want to start it) so I’ve been trying to do some small things here and there until I can start HRT. I hope all goes well with trying out your makeup and finding your style! I’m sure you’ll look absolutely fabulous in it!🥰

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (4 children)

I'll try to keep the story short.

I would like to briefly preface my story with the fact that I have alot of health related issues and my parents have been with me and super supportive the whole way... that is until I identified as trans. So I'm a bit torn on what to do at the moment. ( They don't like that I'm trans )

I am currently dealing with alot of depression in regards to my parents. Both my Dad and my Step Mom are pastors and very religious Methodists. They are strongly against me being trans.

I started hormone therapy in Nov 2022 and I've been very happy with my progress. But around Nov 2023 I came out to my parents and it at least wasn't hateful but my parents didn't like it and were very emotional.

Cut to where I'm at now. They sent me these long worded letters on how it's wrong and why I shouldn't be transitioning etc. Dad went the science approach and Mom went the religious approach.

And they keep demanding a response from me. But everytime I bring myself to even try to respond I just domino effect into that depression hole. I'd much rather work, play my video games, hangout with friends and just ignore the problem.

Which I know ignoring problems can be bad... I'll figure out a way to deal with it somehow.

On a lighter note, I have ALOT of new trans friends and stuff so I have a sort of support network. And I recently got a new girlfriend who is local. So I got that going for me. :-)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Sorry to hear about your parents. There are definitely arguments you could make on both the science and religious fronts, but it depends on the specifics of what they will believe or accept as credible. To start with the science, what we do know and have plenty of empirical evidence for is that transitioning is overwhelming effective at reducing harm and achieving life-saving and positive health outcomes, see: https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

I appreciate it. This is very helpful thank you :-)

I do feel that HRT has helped me in alot of ways.

One of the biggest benefits for me, possibly as a result of being true to myself, is that I have more confidence in myself and I'm more open about things. And that has lead me to making way more friends than I've ever had.

I used to be more reserved mostly because I was afraid of what others think. And while I'm still afraid of what others might think I also don't care anymore and just want to exist as the best me I can be. :-)

I haven't been able to tell my parents about that tho cause of the friction between us.

What I just wrote may in fact be part of the letter I should write to them.

Thanks for the help :-)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I just want you to know that if you consider yourself religious, your parents' interpretation isn't the only one out there. I know a lot of Methodists who are very supportive of trans and LGBTQ people. My entire family on both sides are mainly Methodist (a lot of them pastors as well), and support really just varies from person to person. United Methodists are generally more supportive. The pastor at my church (United Methodist) was very supportive of me when I came out to him, and uses my name and pronouns.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Thank you. I appreciate that.

I actually did research way back when and found the website strongfamilyalliance. And they have a resource for "Faith Based Organizations" to show the general consensus of support for LGBTQIA+ by various religions. Some say they support it and some say they don't. Regardless, I found it to be a very helpful resource.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Tell your mom that God made you trans, and God doesn't make mistakes. He also has a lot to say about how we should love each other. You can't change being trans, but you will pray about it and deal with it in the best way available, by transitioning.

Tell your dad that the science is not super clear, but whatever he is reading decided their conclusion first and then looked for data to back up their predudices.

Tell them both that you want to have a good relationship with them, but if they keep sparking arguments trying to convince you they know more about your brain, body, and soul then you do, you will have to limit the time your spend with them for your own well being.

My mom cried when I came out to her. We didn't talk about it for years. I told her when I started hormones, and while we had some rocky days, she always maintained that she loves me and wants me to be happy. We are closer than ever, and she introduces me as her daughter now.

I hope your parents come along to love and affirmation eventually.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I appreciate your response. Thank you :-) hugs

I'm not sure I can be so blunt about it... but yeah I'll take that into consideration to help me. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Just wanted to say that you have ZERO responsibility to justify or DeBaTe your existence to ANYONE, including your parents.

Which I know ignoring problems can be bad

It's not your problem, it's theirs.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

I'm a few months into feminizing HRT, and while at the airport I was referred to as a lady by an elderly woman working at a pretzel shop. I'm in that awkward in-between state where I get gendered differently by different people.

Right now my biggest struggle is updating my mental habits (the way I think of myself and thus interact is still rooted in trying to pass as a man) and mustering the courage to practice and use my new voice in public.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I just hit 2 months for HRT and am already noticing I'm starting to hit that awkward stage. The voice challenge is huge. I can't help but feel like I'm talking to my toddler when trying it out, lol.

Have to be conscious not to overly patronize strangers when they pick up their trash or are polite (Good job buddy! I'm so proud of you for cleaning up after yourself!)

Today my vocal coach is going to be teaching me how to add more breathy -ness to my voice after resonance so it doesn't sound so nasally and pingy.

Hope you're doing well Dandelion ❤️

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

For me it's hard because most contexts for practice are not with strangers, but with people who knew me before transitioning. Psychologically it's much harder for me to use a "fake" voice with people who know it's fake than to practice feminine speech patterns with strangers who might not know better where my "normal" masculine voice would threaten passing.

Unfortunately my speech therapist already says I'm doing a great job and wanted to reduce frequency of lessons, but I feel overwhelmed by this and like I'm entirely failing to modify my voice. The problem seems to be more psychological than technical. :-(

I hope your vocal lesson goes well - it can be a lot of fun to learn new techniques and experiment with them!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Oh I get that :/ I still can't really practice in front of my wife which is definitely an issue I need to work on because I can't just... Drop it on her ya know? She even told me she couldn't handle that mentally, lol which I don't blame her for.

It's really hard practicing your voice in front of those that know you are intentionally trying to change it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

oof, it would be a punch in the gut for me if my spouse said they wouldn't be able to handle practicing with them. It also makes me wonder what they are thinking about the long term, you know ...

I've heard of someone whose spouse told them to only use one voice (the new voice) and not switch back and forth, but that seems almost equally problematic to me.

I've been looking for advice on how to overcome the mental struggles with practicing the voice, here are some things I found (mostly just laying them out for myself, but maybe sharing them here will be useful to someone):

read books aloud while practicing your voice
join an online community (like a trans voice discord) and practice there (Zheanna Erose from TransVoiceLessons would practice her voice while playing CS:GO)
find an IRL trans group where you can practice your voice in a non-judgmental zone, or otherwise make friends with whom you can regularly practice
when feeling insecure, motivate yourself by reflecting on the fact that sounding the wrong gender is the default, and it takes work to change that
commit to practice the new voice full-time and always use it (this is obviously the hard part, and I might as well just be saying "just do it" at this point)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Oh no! Sorry, I didn't word that well. I meant my wife doesn't want me to just start using my new voice one day out of the blue without giving her some time to adjust.

She is very supportive but is also going to miss my voice as I work on it. So I need to gradually kind of work on it with her present that way she can be a part of the journey and get used to how my voice will change. Does that make more sense? O.o

That is a great list and I find it useful :) it does take a lot of work to get to a point where you're happy with your voice but it'll be worth it (I hope) 😅

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

oh, yeah - that makes more sense, and maybe that's what I would have inferred if I weren't so tired when I read your message, my bad 😄

That actually seems like a great situation because it promotes practicing with your spouse! Maybe they can give good feedback and being involved they can go through the adjustment with you.

These are such big changes, it's a lot for anyone.

Another resource I have outside the stuff mentioned in the /r/transvoice subreddit is The Voice Book for Trans and Non-Binary People, though I haven't finished reading it, so I'm not necessarily recommending as much as just mentioning it in case it helps you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Thanks! I'll definitely check it out :)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I just hit my three month mark for HRT. We're almost twins

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Congrats friend! Have you noticed many changes yet? I don't know much about tHRT because well, I already went through male puberty and it just wasn't for me :P

But I'm interested to know what some of the first changes folk tend to notice on T :)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

I'm on a low dose cuz I don't want my voice to change too quickly and damage it, but the first thing I got in the first couple of weeks was significantly improved mood. I'm still way less depressed than I used to be even three months later and haven't changed my lifestyle at all. Had ADHD medication issues which did impact it some. Got some belly hairs and my leg and arm hair are getting slightly thicker and darker. I have more acne than I used to. My face looks slightly more masculine. My voice has occasionally started to crack and feel different. I stink way more now and sweat mainly in my armpits. The main thing I want is body fat redistribution but that hasn't come yet, unfortunately. Always have to wear shapewear so I don't get debilitating dysphoria around the bottom half of my body. But hey, something's better than nothing. I'm so thankful I finally get to be on T.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I finally ordered my estrogen implants! They should be coming in the mail in about a month and then my GP will put it in!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Congrats! Are these implants the "tic-tacs" that are injected through a large syringe into the butt / thigh area? I've considered this option because I'm so needle phobic (and right now I'm injecting every 4 days), but I'm worried about how you control the exact dose, and how frequently you have to essentially have a minor surgery, and how expensive it can be.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

They are! We don't really have injections down here in Australia, so doctors (the few who know trans healthcare) recommend implants for long term transition. Either way, the idea of a needle from the GP occasionally is far better than once every 4 days. My implant cost about AUD$150, plus maybe AUD$80 for the doctors appointment (both subsidized by the government though), and it should last about a year or two.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Oh nice, good to know. Being in the U.S. of course healthcare is ... not as affordable. I think here the implants last 4 - 6 months (based on this transfem science article), and I know someone who has had pellets implanted who said she was instructed not to exercise for a week and sitting was painful, etc. If it were cheaper here and lasted for a year or two that might be more worthwhile to me.

I inject estradiol valerate currently, but I use small 27 gauge needles and inject subcutaneously (into fat) so it's not as bad as it could be.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I have heard about testosterone pellets lasting about the same amount of time as well.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Have you had estrogen implants before? If so, what was you experience with them?

I have read about testosterone implants as well, but I don't hear much about them from other trans people. Might be something I'll look into getting in the future because t gel is expensive and you can accidentally spread it to other people.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I haven't, this'll be my first. Since injections aren't really available here, my doctor recommended an implant to reduce the cardiovascular risks associated with oral estradiol. I also like the idea of them because it kinda feels like my body is just naturally producing it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

I didn't realize there are cardiovascular risks associated with oral estradiol. I take oral estradiol to not get the monthly. Guess I got a triple dose of cardiovascular risks with that, ADHD meds, and testosterone 😅

I agree with it feeling like your body is naturally producing it. It's also a lot less everyday hassle. I hope that in a couple of years it'll get cheaper and less painful.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

My week has been oki :3

Wish had blockers tho :c

Btwx hate to be mean but the Trevor project helpline is kinda bad, tho its a good last resort

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (5 children)

What do you recommend then? There needs to be some kinda crisis hotline

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