318
Cerveza Cristal (mander.xyz)
submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 79 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

For anyone who doesn't know what that drink is, it is a relic of the times where alcohol was considered medicine and it expresses that with flavor. It tastes like antiseptic and Band-Aids. It is universally considered a terrible alcohol with no redeeming qualities except the joy of sadomasochistic introductions to the unfamiliar.

Malört, for when you want to unfriend someone in-person.

[-] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I will admit I love introducing people to it, but I always preface it as the worst tasting liqueur for most people. I have a wonky palate, and I love bitter and herbal flavors. I have introduced it to some people who enjoy strong herbal flavors that hadn't heard of it and were pleasantly surprised.

I usually have a bottle of Malort at home, and I especially love it when my stomach is unsettled. I sip it neat or on the rocks.

Fun aside, it's also a great way to add some complexity and balance to an overly sweet sparkling wine. It has its place in making cocktails, but I get why most people don't like it.

[-] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago

Consider therapy, I am passively worried about you.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

So.... Along the lines of Jager Meister, but worse?

[-] [email protected] 37 points 5 months ago

Jäger does not have anywhere near the notoriety of bad flavor. People describe Jäger as tasting like licorice, Malört is described as tasting like if your shame and regret were fermented and filtered through a burning Chicago dumpster.

Malört, because you won't be getting your security deposit back.

Malört, tonight is the day you fight your dad.

Malört, the official drink of poor decisions.

Malört, the strongly-worded last call.

Malört, because "fuck you" is polite.

You order Jäger and everybody is like ok, do you. You order Malört and the staff ask if you are sure and follow that up with asking if you are ok.

There is a bar that has $5 shots, Malört is $2.

At the local Binny's(alcohol retailer), the manager initiates new hires with a shot of Malört.

Malört is something you need to experience, because I hate you.

[-] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago

This description makes me want to walk the half a mile to the nearest bar, order a shot, knock it back, pay in cash, and immediately walk home.

Not just out of curiosity but because now that sounds like the most "I really wish I knew more about what that person has going on" thing I'll be able to do today.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Malört is the drink of doesn't elaborate and leaves.

If you are outside of Chicago, I would be surprised if they had it.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

People describe Jäger as tasting like licorice

As someone who dislikes licorice, it tastes like a very strong herbal drink to me

[-] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

I remember malort tasting like what I imagine grapefruit flavored floor cleaner would taste like. So yeah its much much much worse than jager

[-] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

No. Malort is it's own experience. That you can still taste three days l later.

It's primary use is for Chicago locals to weed or the tourists

[-] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

It's got a worse reputation but i'd drink malort over jaeger all fay

[-] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

There are some who do actually enjoy it. I don't know why. Personally I think it tastes like dirty sidewalk and cigarette ashes mixed together.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

Personally, I think it tastes like dumpster juice. I’ve never tasted dumpster juice, but I’m convinced.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

I think it tastes like chewing on aspirin. So, yeah super bitter with no redeeming qualities.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago
[-] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

I love people's attempts to describe it in the comments section

[-] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

That was hilarious lol

[-] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago
[-] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago

Malört: Tonight's the night you fight your dad.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Malort: Those pants aren't gonna shit themselves.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

Ochem makes so much sense when I'm drunk. I just wish I could remember how because sober me doesn't understand shit, I just know electrons will work themselves out or whatever.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Drunk you is probably overconfident in your own understanding. Personal anecdote though, in reagrd to me solving math problems. I loved being able to finally solve the problem, and it seemed "so simple" after so much time had been spent, mulling it over. And then sober me would realize how wrong I was because of a 'simple' mistake that drunk me made. I loved the "Ureka!" moments, but sober me would usually wreck it the next day

But again, that's my personal experience. Would love to know that's not your own experience. But just a friendly forewarning of "check your work more than twice"

[-] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Nobody drinks the first part of that and thinks it's "pretty good."

[-] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

Well, science does tell us that alcohol is a solution.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago
[-] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

I've never heard any Chicagoan utter the words "this tastes pretty good" when addressing Malört. Malört is bottled at Satan's urinal.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Served best with Old Style.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Takes out lightsaber from sleave it's actually a refreshing beverage CERVEZA CRIIISTAL

[-] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

"What's your opinion on this iceless glass of liquor?"
"I think it's neat."

[-] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Drunk me writes self modifying code that became critical to logging functionalities. Still works, but I won’t touch it with a 10 foot pole.

I don’t know how it works, but I know it does, and I know its macros all the way down.

Normally I need to toss out 1/2 of my code that was written while drinking even a single beer, but that night I somehow had good code after drinking half a bottle of pure rye whiskey. Guess my Ballmer peak is somewhere between “bro i miss them so much” and blackout.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago
[-] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Hmm. I have some small bottles of Snälleröds snapsar and one of them is Besk. I haven't tasted it yet but do you know if it's similar to bäska droppar? And is bäska droppar similar to that Malört bottle in the picture?

[-] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

I believe they're all different names for the same liquor, yes. "Malört" means wormword in Swedish, which is what they used to flavor bäsk. Besk is an alternative spelling for bäsk.

We drink a lot of it in Sweden 😋

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeppson%27s_Mal%C3%B6rt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B%C3%A4sk

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

I was browsing my comment history and stumbled upon this so I decided to finally open the bottle of Besk. Very strange taste. I wasn't expecting anything like this. Doesn't taste similar to other supposedly wormwood infused liquors like absinthe or vermouth. I've never tasted anything like this. Sort of minty note in bitter flavor I can't describe. This is certainly not my favorite bitter but if I was ever offered one I would happily drink it.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Just in time for midsommar! Yeah, it's pretty unique. I'll make sure to drink some today for you 😄

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Enjoy your drink 😄 Hyvää juhannusta! Glad midsommar!

[-] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago
[-] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Isn't Malört a bitters, and meant to be drunk as part of a cocktail?

[-] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Yes but also no.

It is an extremely bitter liqueur.

It is not intended for cocktails. It is traditionally consumed in shots, like the beverage it is based on (Swedish wormwood schnapps).

There are some cocktails that use malort as an ingredient, but not many. You're probably thinking of cocktail bitters (like Angostura, consumed by dashing into a cocktail), or amaro (a sweet and bitter class of Italian liqueurs, like fernet, amaro Montenegro, or campari).

Yes, I know the Italians consider red bitter liqueurs to not be amari. No, I don't care.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

No, it's hate in a bottle

this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2024
318 points (97.3% liked)

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