that sounds really tough, I hope you can do something nice for yourself. The only thing I can offer to you is that there's billions of other people on the planet for you to fall in love with.
Maybe take some time for yourself, even try reading some of the books she recommended, maybe you'll find a way back into each others lives one day.
I'm just trying to figure out why she randomly cut me off? Things were going well. We loved talking so much. She just stated she was afraid we were getting too invested in each other.
I'm wondering if she knew that's the only way we could stop obsessing over each other or whatever and so she got rid of the temptation to talk to me
Did she tell you why she was worried about your guys’ time investment? Was it the distance? Infatuation?
I'm wondering if she knew that's the only way we could stop obsessing over each other
I’ve had girls randomly stop talking to me, and I’ve done the same (although I highly doubt they were interested in me to begin with to care about that). But for the former, I took it hard as well. Much of the time it seemed that everything was going well, that we got along, etc. so losing them abruptly was a huge gut punch. And for what? No reason?
Well, regardless of why, the distance made realize I never knew them. I realized I was so depressed because I had already built a perfect image of her, and a life for us inside my head. Despite all the laughter, jokes, and long conversations, I simply did not ‘know’ who she was truly.
But as the other commenter said, check out some of the books she recommended. Even though these girls are no longer part of my life or occupy my mind, parts of their personality still follow me because it turns out the things I put them on a pedestal for were things I wanted for myself.
Sometimes there’s no closure. And if you believe that this relationship didn’t end on an intentionally hostile note, then perhaps it’s better to smile because it happened and take parts of her that moved you so much and move forward.
I think she was scared of getting close to anyone at the moment regardless of whatever. We talked for fucking hours.. one time for 14 hours... we had phone sex lame as it is... and both climaxed on the phone together. So she was interested she said she liked my accent... she cried tears of appreciation one time because she was drunk on the phone and I didn't try to take advantage of her by getting nude pics in that state.
As lame as that sounds it was a really nice moment and I had that warm butterfly moment in my stomach the whole time. I have no idea what changed....
I have to think she was just scared of how close a "long distance relationship" was getting
God I'll miss her so much, God it hurts
I have to think she was just scared of how close a "long distance relationship" was getting
I don’t have too much experience with this. My first girlfriend broke up with me because we were going to different colleges on the opposite sides of the state. We could’ve made it worked with some long driving - specifically, I was the one who suggested it would work - but she said we should seek people we can see more often.
I’m lucky I haven’t gotten close yet. But I’m glad we broke it off quickly because I don’t think I would’ve been too happy with the long distance.
It sounds like you were more than happy with the arrangement, but at the time, you said you guys were “obsessed” with each other. Maybe it’s the honeymoon phase, but if you two were truly obsessed then that’s not necessarily a great thing for a relationship.
God I'll miss her so much, God it hurts
For sure it’s going to hurt. I know you liked each other and all, but eventually that obsession has to go subside. If you both become uncomfortable with the distance, it may lead to other less desirable outcomes. The same thing if it’s a one sided like it is in this situation. She could’ve handled it a little more maturely, but I think if this continued you both would’ve been hurt.
It seems like she needed someone with her physically, and you needed someone emotionally. If that’s the case, she would’ve ended up the wrong person for your needs. Like in my case, I needed someone - anyone - to be with me in any way. But my ex needed someone to be with physically. Our needs conflicted and would’ve exacerbated had it continued.
You’ll find someone again. You said she brought this up recently. Maybe you could discuss your needs with the next person so you can decide whether it’s worth investing your time. But take your time now and distract yourself for a bit.
As much as it sucks, this will pass and it will be alright. While it is shitty to drop you nearly entirely cold, she has her reasons whatever they may be.
Just try as hard as you can to not take it personally, and avoid dwelling on it as much as you can. This is hard, but gets easier every day. Go easy on yourself, it's easy to be hyper critical of ourselves more than anyone else.
Those good times you had were real and meaningful regardless of the outcome. There will be more and it's pretty obvious to me that you are more than capable of loving and being loved.
I just think she was scared of getting too close... she hinted that she was scared of us getting too close. "we are too invested in each other she's afraid and that I should focus on my drug treatment. And she should focus on her studies.
We had some good times and some really romantic nights talking. Got intimate over the phone a couple times. That felt good, as lame as it is.
Thanks, I just need friends who can help me examine this and not go crazy
There’s no way to know what went through her mind. It can be extremely hurtful when someone decides to cut contact like that, but for the person that is cutting contact it can be hard to see things that way. It’s easier to just ghost someone than it is to explain someone why you want to cut contact, because that way you aren’t confronted with the fact that you’re hurting someone. On her part it was a shitty thing to do.
At the same time, she wouldn’t cut contact if she felt as strongly about you as it seems that you feel about her. It’s possible that she felt trapped and didn’t know how to tell you. It can be very overwhelming and scary to know that someone feels strongly about you and she might not have known how to deal with that situation. At least it’s a sign that she is not interested in having contact with you, and the best thing for you to do is move on, as difficult as it may be. Sorry that happened to you, as I said it can be extremely painful and it may take a while for you to recover, but you will heal and you will find other people that will matter as much to you as she did.
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