I think a lot of ND people are basically trained, whether it's ABA or bullying or whatever, to not have boundaries. So sometimes when others have boundaries it can be weird or even upsetting to us, because we're literally not allowed to have any. We're constantly people pleasing and fawning and masking etc. So when someone is like "Stop" it's like record scratch what? Wtf you're allowed to just say that and make things stop? Since when? I could never do that!

And if it's not a trauma reaction like the above, sometimes it's just a misunderstanding of tone, where you're seen as "arguing" when you're just like, talking and trying to understand them. Talking through text is the wooorst for this. I am constantly seeing arguments on my social media feeds that sprang out of nowhere when somebody just decided to put in their 2 cents and somebody else took it personal. Nobody understands the other and next thing you know they've blocked each other over nothing.

Sometimes people are very private, like my boyfriend for example. I might say something totally innocent in passing about him or about us, that I thought was like something cute or silly, and then he'll get very upset and basically act like I just told the whole world his nastiest sexual kink or something. Then I get angry because it's like the trauma thing, I have literally no boundaries and now suddenly it's record scratch stop. What? So yeah lol.

And the person now feels uncomfortable drawing lines with me again because I argued last time (which is a manifestation of THEIR ND), and it just spirals.

It's always fun when neurodiversities clash. I'm sensitive to loud noises and my roommate has trouble modulating her voice

I also have a tendency to shut down when someone else talks too much without pausing. If I had to compare the feeling, it's like a circuit breaker tripping - too much is flowing through the wire, so the connection gets cut, to be reset when it's safe to do so. Of course, this leads to others thinking I'm indifferent to or dismissive of their interests, which I swear I'm not.

Sidenote: worth noting that part of my problem is that I sort of have very little in the way of boundaries myself. So that adds my my difficulty understanding.

I've had issues with coming across as argumentative before. I try to rephrase things as questions now. Although it can be best to avoid "why" questions, they can come across argumentative even when asked in earnest.

Asking someone what caused a specific boundary has caused trauma dumping before though, so be prepared for that, lol.