I am also a novice at hosting my own instance but I think I have some tips:
First, don't use the allowed instances list. I believe having any items in that list blocks any instances not in the list. So you've effectively defederated from all instances that aren't lemmy.ml lemmy.world programming.dev and sopuli.xyz.
Second, make sure your languages are set properly. In the admin page there is a big list of languages. Use ctrl+click to select all the languages you want to see. Make sure that Undetermined
is always selected. On mine I have that and English, you might also want German and some others but that's up to you.
Third, bump up your federation worker count. I doubled mine to 128.
Lastly, use the search to connect to new communities. There isn't really any automated discovery from known instances, you need to manually be searching for anything you want to show up in your instance. I use the default admin account to subscribe to every community I want to show up in all.
Federation, especially from lemmy.world and kbin.social is also being kinda funky right now with so many new users. So I would also give it a little time for any changes to take effect.
And feel free to check out all
on my instance if you want to compare how comments and communities are coming through to another single user instance.