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I am also a novice at hosting my own instance but I think I have some tips:
First, don't use the allowed instances list. I believe having any items in that list blocks any instances not in the list. So you've effectively defederated from all instances that aren't lemmy.ml lemmy.world programming.dev and sopuli.xyz.
Second, make sure your languages are set properly. In the admin page there is a big list of languages. Use ctrl+click to select all the languages you want to see. Make sure that
Undetermined
is always selected. On mine I have that and English, you might also want German and some others but that's up to you.Third, bump up your federation worker count. I doubled mine to 128.
Lastly, use the search to connect to new communities. There isn't really any automated discovery from known instances, you need to manually be searching for anything you want to show up in your instance. I use the default admin account to subscribe to every community I want to show up in all.
Federation, especially from lemmy.world and kbin.social is also being kinda funky right now with so many new users. So I would also give it a little time for any changes to take effect.
And feel free to check out
all
on my instance if you want to compare how comments and communities are coming through to another single user instance.Thanks for the description, seems a little counterintuitive to me, but I think I get it now. I removed the allow list and after some time it cleared up quite a bit, also rebooted it and then the "hot" page looked a lot better. I think another issue is that my instance has a pitiful amount of resources and is very slow so it also just takes a long time to get synced up with new communities but it's definitely better now after some days.