Ask Lemmy

It's the prime source of despair for me at work, as a custodian. Be it staff, clients, or coworkers - being a lazy selfish piece of shit feels pretty common.

I keep in mind that observation bias is a thing and I can't remember the people around me who are constantly following it.

Many years ago I was walking out of Port Authority and a women, clearly mentally ill, ran up to me and wacked me in the back. There is zero doubt that I have passed well over 10k people in that area in my life. I only remember 1 of them because of what she did 1 time to me.

Yes. Quite often, sadly. Usually when I'm driving, but also when I see someone blatantly littering in front of a perfectly good trash can or absent-mindedly blocking an aisle at the grocery store.

Integrity is no longer valued in our society because it's an intangible virtue that you can't directly benefit from, so many people toss out that decorum for marginal gains. The reason I throw my trash away in a trash can is because I respect the social contract and I don't want to leave a mess for someone else to have to clean (even if it might be their job to clean it) not because I'm afraid of being judged or confronted by others, which I think is the only thing keeping most people on the right side of the equation these days.

The Shopping Cart Theory is a fantastic way to determine if you are dealing with somebody who doesn't respect the social contract, and indeed, that attitude transcends mere niceties and seeps into their personality - laziness, selfishness, and a general lack of respect for other people's time and property.

Despair? Not really. Though before COVID, people seemed generally okay, if annoying to be around. Now we just know they're assholes. But I more shrug my shoulders at it as opposed to 'despair' over it.

Yep constantly! perfect example yesterday. Was waiting in line for ice cream. Some young girls ahead of me in line were talking amongst themselves. Worker tries to ask them what they want twice. The girls were completely oblivious to her or seemingly to the fact they were in line. I felt this worker's pain but supported her reaction of rolling her eyes and then quickly proceeding to the next customer.

We obviously all have lapses in awareness but yeah it does sort of feel like it's so common it's endemic and maybe on the rise. Living in a touristy area accounts for some of it but even in the off season it's crazy common here.

I'm visiting Niagara Falls, which is a tourist area obviously, and you can tell who the Americans are because they're happy to shove you out of the way to get a better look. Also, last night, an already loud motorcycle was driving down the road with its music blasting so loud, I thought I was in the Hard Rock Cafe down the street. Of course, American plate.

I'm despair at the lack of regard for the social contract for my own people in specific. I go out of my way to not annoy people.

I think in the US at least, people increasingly have accepted the notion that it's everyone for themselves, and any sense of "us together" is absent. And when you look at our national values and what sort of policy actually gets discussed and passed, it can be difficult to disagree with that idea. We have millions of Republicans who would do anything for Trump, but won't do the most minor thing to help their fellow citizens for example. We have a government that helps businesses, but won't help regular people.

And this sort of mentality is widespread throughout society. It gives people the idea of "You don't care about me, so why should I care about you?" In a moral vacuum, maybe the effect wouldn't be so pronounced, but in reality, it becomes an engine of apathy which gradually consumes more and more of the social consciousness and destroys the threads which hold that social contract together.

Idk, at least locally i feel like the regard for the social contract has only grown with time, sure there's the odd teenager who doesn't realize headphones exist but they're stupid teenagers and everyone hates them.

It's definitely not a new phenomenon, but exacerbated by the media and COVID-19 just seemed to bring out the very worst in the worst people. Witnessed selfish brats in society my whole life, and I wish I could say it's improved but it hasn't. People forget we live in a society and should work together.

Can't say for sure if there's an increase in this behavior or I'm just getting cranky with old age. Personally, I try to focus on the 999 people NOT being a rude douche

I recognize what you're saying. I've accepted it to some degree but I don't like it. I think it also comes down to different views, morals and values. It's easy to look at a person that misbehaves according to your own values and feel disappointed by them. One thing to remember is that they have their own views about what's right and wrong and your own views aren't necessarily the right ones.

I feel the same way about "acting professional".

It's definitely gotten worse due to the dispersion of our social groups.

It used to be that we would interact with the same people for a large chunk of our lives. The guy you shoulder checked on the path was your dad's coworker etc. The social contract was a lot more reciprocal.

Now, we bounce around the city/country/world, almost on a whim. This breaks alot of the connections that reinforced the social contract.

In scientific terms, the Nash equilibrium has changed. The social contract is close to a classic prisoner dilemma situation. It used to be iterative, and so favour a "tit for tat" response. It is now closer to multiple random individual interactions. This favours "defection" more, since the other person will never get a chance to respond.

I doubt that's a new thing honestly. I've always been encountering people who think only of themselves.

But also, a part of this social contract should be things like "nobody's perfect" and "everyone makes mistakes". That goes with your part together too, sometimes we don't think something through and may come ofd as selfish or ignorant. But that's also normal if it just happens randomly sometimes and it's not too much of a pattern.

I think these days we tend to demand perfection too much, and write someone off way too quickly.

I was on the subway, standing, recently when an elderly man got on board. I'd guess he was in his 70s. Had a crutch under his arm. Had one or a few small bruises on his face. He looked frail. No one with a seat made any effort to offer him their seat. He stayed right near the doorway of the subway, and I thought "oh, maybe he's just going one stop." He wasn't. He just didn't expect anyone to vacate a seat for him.

I remember the subway before personal music players, and now 'smartphones' were ubiquitous. From what I can see, common courtesy has fallen sharply with the rise of 'smartphones' (and the concomitant "I'm walking around completely oblivious to my surroundings and focused on what's on the 4 inch screen 4 inches from my face")

I feel we have been taught to ignore the social contract and compete with each other for survival instead by the increasingly capitalist structures among us.

Also, in most countries a smaller proportion of the population is 'bought in'. Home ownership is way down. A lot of days, I kind of passively hope for collapse because the status quo is shitty. So there's little incentive to uphold the social contract for me because there's little hope it will result in a good outcome for me.

And this makes perfect sense and is predicted. As wealth inequality rises, social contract breaks down

When ever I see a traffic light intersection and seeing everyone actually obey the lights, I just think: Wow, such civility, such orderly people patiently waiting for the light to...

BANG The sound of a cars crashing so hard it almost sounded like an explosion.

Me, after being so bewildered at what just happened: Um yea except for that... actually nvm about the civility, maybe I was being too optimistic