LGBTQ+

As (yet another) cis guy, I can't speak to what you're going through but I hope this story gives you some food for thought:

When I was younger I took Savate classes - French kickboxing - and there were a total of three people in the class. Groups were similarly small at the few places we would compete with, so everyone competed against the others in their weight/skill brackets regardless of gender. At one meet a guy mouthed off about having to "fight a girl" and our instructor turned to us and told us to watch closely, because the dude was about to get his ass handed to him. He was right, she beat him handily. She beat the next two guys she was up against as well, but those matches were closer and far more interesting to watch because at that point nobody was holding back; it was truly competitive.

On the ride back our instructor spoke to us about how that first guy had forgotten that these sports aren't just brute physical strength - speed, flexibility, awareness, wits, and adaptability are every bit as important. And that any person who judges their opponent before the match begins doesn't have the skills required to progress very far in a competition.

So whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a good time and kick some ass, though since it's BJJ maybe I should say flip it on them.

Every BJJ gym I’ve ever been to has always been open gender. I’m a larger guy and I’ve had my ass handed to me by a bunch of ladies (and smaller dudes for that matter). You seem confident in your skills, I see no reason not to compete with the men.

Oh hey ugh I've been thinking about basically the same damn thing

I'm also afab, trans masc, enby, pre-stuff, etc. I did martial arts for 13 years and only stopped because I moved away from my school. Kills me a little.

The thing is, even when I was at the school I loved, I still had to grapple with disconnection between my gender identity and the way my perceived gender and sex interacted with the sport space. It's not that they were mean or exclusive to women, it's just that they inherently treated them a little different, and, well, my brain says I'm not a woman. Stop that.

Right now I'm having the same problem because I live near the coast and I really want to get into spearfishing. It's not that women are excluded, or even necessarily that they're intentionally excluding queer or trans people, but there's a hetero- and cis-normativity to these sport spaces that is so hard to penetrate.

I'm sure I could ignore my own gender identity and ingratiate myself with other spearos the way I did before realizing I was non-binary-- usually by acting innocent, accepting lots of help, and talking in a sweet, high voice. Basically, if I play to their expectations of how "females" work I'm sure I'll be included and eventually even respected. But... oh man do I not want to do that. And I can't approach it the "male" way either, because it would be so jarring and odd that they'd think I was like... A bitch? Aggro? Etc.

Uggghh anyway I don't know how to help you (other commenter's are doing a better job of affirming and encouraging) but let me provide the component of: yes I see you, yes I feel you, yes omg it sucks

Trans woman here. I play roller derby and have previous ice hockey experience from when I was younger. Yet, I am nowhere close to being a top player. I held back, but it was to the detriment of myself and my teammates. I got my butt kicked early in training camp which helped me go from feeling like I needed to fit this imagined "femme, demure" box to giving it everything I had. I still have a lot I'm training on. None of this has bearing on my gender, hormones, or size. It's all about skill and technique. Don't let others tell you where you know where you deserve to play.

I agree with what others have said here, I'll just add that the point of competition is to better each other. Even if you are at a disadvantage, which I don't really think you are at an amateur level, that just means you'll learn a lot faster. Losing can suck but I think that can be ignored as long as you're having fun and gaining skills.

I’ve completed on a Team USA women’s team with a no hormones trans man. They were very male presenting, but said they would never start hormones because they knew they would have an extremely difficult time competing with men. So they stayed on the women’s team, and we all were welcoming because they were a badass