neurodiverse
What is Neurodivergence?
It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc
“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”
So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned
Rules
1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them
2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence
2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals
3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.
3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith
4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!
Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input
RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed
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You know, reading the title, I thought this was referring to your behavior and thought of things I should watch out for before I even read the rest of your post.
That's a really insightful way of looking at interactions with people who do take on manipulative angles.
As a person being subjected to manipulative tactics, I can see how you're right about the impossibility of genuine connection when someone has an angle. I can't connect with someone who is trying to communicate with me as though there are winners and losers. Especially when there are hidden motives. It's even worse when I'm pretty agreeable even when I'm not people -pleasing. You ask me to do something and it doesn't hurt me, I happily do it.
As someone who's had to be tactical and manipulative to navigate around abusive people, that genuine connection is still difficult if not impossible. I don't see it as malicious as the former example because I did it more out of fear, but the results are almost identical. I can't be fully connected in friendship or more if I'm afraid of losing or people pleasing to avoid rejection.
For me, a lot of my navigation comes from a mix of trauma and the way I first approached my neurodiversity. It was only recently that i started unpacking the ways I masked and avoided conflicts. I was really honest growing up and that wasn't welcome when my family was trying to project an air of normalcy. I lied to my family because telling the truth wasn't worth the disruption it caused. I ended up bringing that mentality into other relationships where I thought you spared people your honest feelings because it would be an imposition.
Looking back, I can remember tips and strategies my parents would give for navigating people like, "if someone asks you what you're doing later today, be vague so you can bow out of doing them a favor if they ask."
The strategies worked to a point when I wanted to get away from people who were not reasonable, but it's made it hard for me to connect when I come into conflict. Saying no is still hard for me, but I think your framing of an adversary in a chess game will help figure out what mindset I'm using in an interaction. It could give me enough pause to see if I want the person in my life or if I'm feeling anxious for some reason.
Thanks!
Thanks for your reply.
I think you're striking upon the other side of this epiphany here which I didn't explain because it's a bit complicated and more of a personal thing to me but as a person who experienced a really abusive childhood if I find myself reverting to a style of communication that feels like I'm the one who is playing a game of chess then that's a really good indicator that I'm feeling unsafe and that there are power dynamics which are out of whack.
That's not to say that this is clear proof that I'm being abused or manipulated but if my instictive behavioural response is to carefully calculate the way that I communicate with a person then I need to start recognising that as a clear sign that I'm not feeling a sufficient level of safety, comfort, or trust in that relationship.
🤯
Are we really not supposed to be doing the careful calculation thing, because haha...
That's what I'm noticing exactly - when I notice others doing it, I know I'm not getting genuine connection and I need to evaluate if they are uncomfortable or being passive aggressive.
When I notice I'm doing it, I know I'm either feeling unsafe, uncomfortable, or somehow on the defensive. In that sense, I need to step back and reevaluate before I try to 'win' however that ends up looking.