this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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Shouldn't practiced polyamory be known, and discussed? (Therefore accepted by both parties?)
I feel like the alternative is cheating (hidden, secret)
I'm ignorant of this but do poly practitioners struggle with relationship duration/durability? I guess I could see how, but that seems like an assumption.
Where did they state the opposite? Of course polyarmory should be disclaimed and discussed.
It's among a list of risk factors for queer relationships, and I made an assumption that polyamory that's discussed/known/ in the open would be just fine, like everyone would be cool with it
Just because one is polyamorous and not hiding it, does not mean that they are practicing healthy polyamory. Unfortunately many individuals use polyamory as a framework to attempt avoid consequences for shitty behavior like cheating (yes, you can cheat while polyamorous!) or as a way to cope with their inability to actually commit to anyone or simply to get their narcissistic needs met. In many cases they get a certain set of needs or most of their needs met by a primary partner and treat secondary partners more as toys or one-dimensional with regards to the missing needs that their primary aren't giving them. I've met and dated people who ultimately were not very interested in a truly collaborative relationship (hard boundaries in inappropriate places causing power dynamic issues) while making no effort to contribute equally to a relationship. Part of that is propped up by the reality that managing a breakup is easier when you have other partners who can and will provide emotional support, or as stated earlier primary partners who already provide most of your needs.
Expressing a personal opinion here: anything but truly balanced and open poly just seems like cheating with extra steps, queer or not.
I think it's reasonable to have different styles of poly relationships to meet different needs and desires without it constituting cheating - but it requires a level of transparency, honesty, and self-awareness that most people are incapable of.
Well put.