Note: It's for drug possession, not anything super bad.
13 years ago, my now former best friend tried to first con me out of money and then did it to my mom instead because my daughter had just been born (which he knew) and money was tight. I always knew he had addiction issues, but I never thought he would actually stoop that low.
Today, my wife showed me that there was a public database where you could search Indiana court cases, so out of curiosity, I typed in his name.
21 court cases, mostly drug, vehicle and fraud offenses in the county where we grew up, went to college in, and which he eventually moved back to, stretching back to 1999! Note he didn’t even live there for 10 years!
He’s currently in prison until December because he was found in possession of methamphetamine. And it was not his first time in prison or the first time he had meth on him. He did drugs when we were in college, but the most serious one was cocaine and that was very occasional. I knew he had a drinking problem, and even that he was abusing prescription medication (he offered me Vicodin when I was visiting him in San Francisco and had a headache) but I had no idea he sunk as low as meth.
This was a guy who wanted to compose classical music when I met him in middle school. He was very intellectual and well-read even then. He eventually went to Indiana University, which has one of the world’s top music schools, for composition. He always was very full of life and cheer and how far he has fallen! I knew he'd sunk really low back when he conned me, but this was the first friend I ever made in middle school in the eighth grade after going through all of seventh grade with no friends and we could and did talk about anything for hours, so I kept him in my life for as long as I could.
After college, he got way into restaurants and cooking and was working at some really high-end places, so when he contacted me and told me he wanted to do a pop-up restaurant as a way of starting a full business and needed $400, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We mostly talked to each other online at that point, so he gave me a pretty false picture of his life.
I’m honestly not sad about the end of the friendship anymore. I cut him completely out of my life 13 years ago and I do not miss him at this point. Would it have been nice to sit together on a porch in the nursing home in 40 years and spend hours talking about Kafka? Sure. But I'm not losing any sleep over it. In fact, when she told me about the database, it was the first time I had thought about him in ages, but he was the only person I thought of and I had to look.
So I'm not sad about it. I shouldn't even be surprised about it. But it's so weird knowing my former closest friend is spending a year in prison.
Have you ever found out anything like this about an old friend you lost touch with?
Honestly meth is so common in the gay community that I'm never shocked or surprised by hearing this type of thing about old friends of mine. It's very difficult to avoid the stuff and have a sex life where I live. Doable but all of the hook-up apps are landmines.
As a result, I only go on Facebook occasionally to scroll through and see if anyone I care about died recently of an accidental overdose or something.
They post less about the going to prison part, so I don't hear that as often, but I know a lot of people, including close friends, who have spent time in prison and have gotten sober then turned their lives around.
Even though he's a former friend, I hope your guy does, too.
He is gay, but I don't think that has anything to do with why he's doing meth. I think he just found his rock bottom drug. He had tried everything else to fill that hole he could never fill and ended up a meth-head. This is Indiana, which has a huge meth problem, so it wouldn't be hard for him to get.
It's tragic, and I'm sorry he ended up that way, but I have run out of my ability to sympathize at this point. I wish that wasn't true because I don't like that about myself, but I'm just beyond caring about his self-destruction.
One of the old friends I talked to about this today said this isn't the first time he's been in prison. I'm not going to say he isn't worth redemption, because everyone deserves a decent life, but I do think he is so beyond help that he's just not going to get it. He'll get out again and go right back to drugs and forgery and whatever else until he kills himself doing it.
He's 47. Honestly, if I hear that he's dead by 50, I will not be surprised. Again, it would be tragic, but just not surprising at this point.