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if you call everyone dude and a transfem person gets mad about it, don't get defensive. just say like "sorry, i won't do it again" and don't argue "actually it's gender neutral" or "i call everyone dude". even if you do, i guarantee she's heard that argument from someone who very much does not call people they see as women dude. i certainly have
same goes double for the word guy.
Disagreement may be fine (idk, I don't make the rules), but if you repeat the same arguments people have heard a million times from transphobes trying to excuse transphobic behavior in a trans meme community that's an place for trans people to get away from such, doesn't be surprised if you are treated as a nuisance and potentially banned. If someone doesn't want to be called a cunt, buddy, dude, etc then don't. Does not matter how you use the words with other people. Its not like people are suggesting we ban people from life for saying dude once.
Really? I thought approaching the dude/bro/buddy issue from a linguistic perscriptivism vs descriptivism perspective was at least a somewhat novel approach, and worth bringing up for discussion if anyone felt comfortable doing so with me.
When I started posting, I thought this was in a general comm, If i was aware I was inserting my opinion in a comm I am guest in as a non-trans person, I would have brought it up more delicately or considered saving it for a general comm. I appologise again if starting this kind of discussion is not welcome here, and if anyone wants me to shut up about it, I will.
I wholesale agree with you on this, as I said in the comment you replied to, I do not support intentional or malicious use of bro/guys to misgender, And if anyone in particular were to ask me to stop referring to them as such, I would (and do) try my best to do so. I am not and would never argue in favor of ignoring people's direct wishes on what they want to referred to as.
After my discussions with users in other threads from this comment, I think my personal conclusion is that while from some perspectives the "dude is gender neutral" approach may have legs, the people who use it are usually doing so as an excuse to directly dismiss people's wishes about what they want to be referred to, at best to cling to "being right" and at worst to invalidate people's gender identity or validity as a person, which is cringe.
I personally have met transphobes that will make this argument so they don't have to out themselves as transphobic in groups that might not accept them going mask off about it. I'm not saying you're doing it, but it feels kinda similar to when transphobes go out of their way to use they/them pronouns for people when they're talking to someone who is very obviously presenting in specific gendered ways. are they and them generally gender neutral? yeah, obviously but there's certain contexts where it's totally not the best way to talk to/about people.
No worries. Just wanted to provide some context. Given you didn't realize where you were posting, its fine. But yeah, you're basically saying the same things as lot of people have dealt with. Memes like this one are common because of how common people get it. The exact details or examples given might vary. This is a problem a lot of communities have to deal with. r/Fuck_cars is another community that had a constant influx of people spamming the same things and surprised when people are rude to them. Even if their arguments aren't mainstream opinions, those types of communities tend to attract those types of people.
Personally, I don't care about dude, but I think gendered language in general is kinda ick and would prefer if all language was gender neutral (but don't push that only others - don't want people thinking I'm one of those people who complain about trans people upholding traditional gender cause that's another all too common argument).