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I've been feeling off for the past couple months. Two nights ago I decided to do shrooms, I had been putting it off for over two years because I knew deep down I would have a difficult experience and I was right. I took 2 grams as tea with lemon juice, plus 1g eaten. I spent 3 hours which felt like days just screaming and crying. I felt emotional pain like I've never felt in my life before, it was absolute never ending insanity. I cried so much my eyes were almost swollen shut.
My mother has been sick for a long time now and it has been very difficult to deal with and I'd mostly been avoiding it. The mushrooms reaaaally shoved it in my face, they were absolutely brutal about it and made me feel the pain of the loss of my mother for the first 30 minutes. Then they decided to show me that people have lived through the pain of loss since the beginning of time by making me feel that pain through the eyes of thousands of people through thousands of generations lol. It was like I was going through a fractal of the lives of people down generations and generations but only the painful parts of their lives and I felt their emotions so vividly. That lasted for like two and a half hours, with small 5 minute breaks here and there where the trip would go down a bit and I could breathe until it would just pull me back in to this infinite spiral of emotional torture.
During the entire trip, every time I would get a small break I would just be crying, wishing for it to be over. I wanted to get off. 30 minutes after it ended and I went to bed I was already asking myself when the next time was gonna be hahah.
Yesterday I was just in shock all day, eyes still swollen as hell and with the worst headache of my life.
Today I am much better physically but mentally I am still in shock.
Sorry for the wall of insanity.
That's a three-star day for you? I wouldn't want to see a two or one-star!
Hahah well that experience was 2 nights ago so I've had time to recover a bit. I still randomly get flashes of the experience and some of the feelings associated with it though and I suspect it's gonna be like that for a couple days, until I'm done kinda processing and integrating everything that happened. But yeah, 3-star day today, which is slightly better than my average lately.