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How do you date? (beehaw.org)

submitted 9 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Recently had a conversation with a good friend about dating, and it had me curious about how everyone on Beehaw approaches dating. Tell me a bit about how you date! Here's a few prompts/thoughts I'm curious about:

How long does it take for you to know if you're attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you've been on or how well you know the person?
Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long term or whether it's not going to work out?
Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
What's most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
Is there something you don't understand about dating and want to share your frustration?

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

"Varies" for all bar the penultimate.

There it would be less "deciding whether you want to date..." and more "deciding whether you want to continue to date". Am a bit hasty when it comes to getting embroiled before scoping stuff out.

Activities are nice, but unimportant.

Values very important - they don't have to align on details if they're broadly shared, but I'll be revulsed if someone pretends to be more aligned (or more freshly & speedily persuaded than they truly are - we all change our minds, but if you volte face too readily I'll query your sincerity & also the depth of anything you claim to believe, past, present & future).

Emotional intelligence? For the most part, if you're aware of & working on your insecurities, encouraging me to work on mine (sappy contradictions are a waste of breath & mental energy) we should be ok. Playing games is anathema to me in both directions - I'll come to you in straightforward terms if I have a problem and expect you to do likewise. Until then, assume I am content with our relationship.

Humour? Overlap is lovely, but you need to have some even if we have no mutual sense of humour. If you only crack insincere smiles & never once laugh, despite a great variety of social circumstances, imma have some misgivings unless there's reason to suspect anxiety or depression.

N.B.: yes, all of the above are things discovered in my dotage as an experienced lady, on a recent escapade, now mercifully over.