Autism

I don’t have autism, but I do have ADHD, and this sentiment resonates deep with me. I’ve had past male acquaintances make fun of me in person for being very insistent on hanging out that they defaulted to saying “Flooppoolf wants to 🅱️ang out guys”.

I later realized in college that I’m gay. I seemingly don’t interact with women as much as I do with men, and quite frankly I always found women to be a burden to try and talk to. I find that charming them is icky and pointless, usually even problematic with social cues and all that bullshit. I 100% rather tell a guy he’s hot and ask for a kiss. Guys usually get flattered and don’t get insulted idk. That’s too much social philosophy for me and just know that one is better in my case.

A movie that helped explain these weird feelings, that I rejected until I was in my 20’s, was The Sitter with Jonah Hill. It is the most elegant way that I could’ve had that explained to me. It almost felt as if Jonah was speaking to all the confused kids and letting them know that you don’t have to fit into the fruit mold of being gay. You can be sensible, manly, seemingly heterosexual and still be gay. And it’s ok.

But that was my personal experience. I hope you find solace and comfort in yourself and eventually someone else. 💓

edit: the movie was relevant because the kid would also get really upset when his best friend wouldn’t want to hang out or reply to his texts, iirc. Made me tear up and realize that what I needed was to top some femboys on grindr.