this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2023
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Gotcha. How convenient for you. Your moral code requires you to act exactly how you want to act.
Do you get it now? You want a computer programming degree and your god wants you to have a computer programming degree. They always match up! You didn't align yourself with the Bible, you quote mined to find the text that backed up the decision you were already going to make.
And hey I am not even judging. I was a theist. I did the same thing. Turned out God wanted me to become a Biblical Scholar and then God changed his mind and decided I could serve better an as engineer. Which coincidentally happened the moment I found out what the pay difference was. I remember exactly how you feel now. Feeling like the creator of the fucking universe gave a shit if I jerked off or not.
Do what you want. Prayer is just talking to yourself. Hope you see the light one day. Face existence, cold unfeeling, indifferent, but real.
Unironically, thanks for the reminder of the life I don't want to slip into.
I chose a computer science degree because I've been a programmer from a young age. I haven't felt a divine calling towards a profession, just my natural interest and talent (the latter of which does qualify as a gift from God,) and the knowledge that whatever work my hands find to do, I can do it to the glory of God in some way.
I never saw a verse in the Bible say you need a divine calling before you choose your profession. God calls people sometimes, but sometimes people mistake their own feelings for God, which I guess can happen if you haven't heard God. The way I learned to recognize Him speaking to me started with discerning whether the message lines up with the Bible and whether it's something I want to ignore because it's inconvenient or hard.
I'm sorry you went through what you did. I can't say with certainty that being a biblical scholar wasn't actually a divine calling, but if you couldn't tell the difference between that and the "call" to engineering, there's a good chance that you got it from being swept up in a moment at church or some retreat.