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All forms of queer news and culture. Nonsectarian and non-exclusionary.

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CW HOMOPHOBIA: My mother said I was too young to be gay, and now I don't have the motivation to come out again. (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hello, The 4 people in my family who I was considering telling my truth have previously shown acceptance of LGBTQ+ people. They are my mother, father, grandpa (mother's side, probably the most vocal ally I know), grandma (father's side). I recently came out to my mother. She stated that I was too young to be gay, too young to know, and that she wasn't going to believe me until I was over the age of 18. I am in the middle of my teens, and I do not believe I am too young. I now find myself unable to come out to anyone else. It took so much effort to get the words out of my mouth and now I don't know how to tell anyone else. I'm sure, I'm praying, that if I tell her dad, or my dad, or his mum, they'll accept me. They'll make it all right. I don't know what to do. How can I tell someone.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

hell yes to this. i’m in my mid 30s. i’m bisexual. only the people who need to know, know. why would my parents care? i’m (afab) dating a cis man. people who i feel especially close to know that i’m not straight. i’m “out” insomuch as i’ll say a girl is cute if i happen to see one.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's not really helpful to a gay teenager, though. It can feel suffocating at that point in life.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

I get what you mean, but I disagree. As a teen, I thought I had an obligation to come out to everyone, and make a whole big announcement. It was a huge relief to hear that actually, I don't owe anyone information that would be exhausting to share and could make my life harder. It was my choice, and no one else's, and there was no timeline I had to follow.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Exactly this! I pick and choose who knows based on how comfy I am around someone. Like you, I'm bi in a "straight-passing" relationship, so many people aren't aware; my dad will probably never know unless I date a girl, or he finds out in some random way, but I just don't really care to share that part of my life with him. The older I get, the less effort I make to keep anything a secret. But I don't make a strong conscious effort to come out to people if I don't feel like it.